


non-stop notifications

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Explicit Language, F/F, F/M, Group chat, Lin Manuel Miranda - Freeform, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Minor Injuries, Non-binary character, Pregnancy, References to Sex, Surrogate Pregnancy, a lil bit of kinkshaming, and its gr9, bc ya know hes an actual god, but this one will have a plot, eliza and peggy are in the heights trash, eventually, everyone is in a relationship, except for hercules, hercules is forever alone, laf is v protective of people who dont conform to a gender, lin worship, non-binary Lafayette, some accidental sexting, theres taunting, yes another group chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-05
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-19 16:00:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8215783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: johnfkennedy: UM OK I LOOKED UP PICS OF THIS LIN MANUAL WHATEVERjohnfkennedy: AND HOT DAYYUMMMMMMjohnfkennedy: WHAT A FINE PIECE OF ASShamilburger: lemme see//or//The Group Chat Fic That Actually Has A Plot™





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alexander ~ hamilburger  
> John ~ johnfkennedy  
> Laf ~ laffytaffy  
> Herc ~ headlesshorseman  
> Angelica ~ angelofdeath  
> Eliza ~ eliza_is_satan666  
> Peggy ~ pegandcheese  
> Maria ~ maria.the.meme.lord  
> Thomas ~ macaroniandjefferson
> 
> //
> 
> Hey everyone! So I decided that I wanted to write a group chat fic because all the ones that I've read are pretty great and I started getting a ton of ideas for one of my own. I know most group chat fics don't really have a plot but this one is going to...eventually. The plot will start to really pick up in chapter 3. Until then enjoy the hamilsquad shenanigans ;)

_ pegandcheese  _ added  _ laffytaffy, eliza_is_satan666, angelofdeath, hamilburger, johnfkennedy, headlesshorseman,  _ and  _ maria.the.meme.lord  _ to the group chat 

_ angelofdeath _ : ok but why 

_ laffytaffy _ : aw yay

_ laffytaffy:  _ i love group chats so much omg

_ hamilburger:  _ yooOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo

_ headlesshorseman:  _ not again 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ do you know what this means ???

_ headlesshorseman:  _ y’all are gonna break my phone with nonstop notifcations 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ AGAIN

_ pegandcheese:  _ sorry 

_ pegandcheese:  _ jk im not 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ MY DUDES

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ lit 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ oh gosh

_ laffytaffy:  _ i am living

_ hamilburger:  _ um 

_ hamilburger:  _ liz ??

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ yep?

_ hamilburger:  _ why the hell is that your username 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ heh 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ get it

_ johnfkennedy:  _ why the HELL 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ cuz satan is from HELL

_ johnfkennedy:  _ GET IT

_ johnfkennedy:  _ lololololololololololl

_ angelofdeath:  _ jawn stfu

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ ask peggy

_ pegandcheese:  _ hehehehehehhee

_ pegandcheeese:  _ it’s your own fault eliza

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ whatever 

_ laffytaffy:  _ explain ???

_ pegandcheese:  _ so basically 

_ pegandcheese:  _ eliza wanted me to set the whole app for her and i said “what do you want your username to be” and she said “i don’t care you just pick one” and so i did

_ angelofdeath:  _ and your first thought was eliza_is_satan666 ??????

_ pegandcheese:  _ ofc 

_ hamilburger:  _ reasonable 

` _ johnfkennedy:  _ ^^

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i approve 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ok you’re just proving my point 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ literally nonstop notifications ok

_ maria.the.meme.lord  _ named the group chat  **_non-stop notifications_ **

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i hate you all

_ angelofeath _ : wait 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ waiting 

_ hamilburger:  _ just you wait 

_ laffytaffy:  _ wait for it,,,,,,

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ still waiting 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ angelica???

_ laffytaffy:  _ wait for it,,,,,

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ are you dead?????

_ angelofdeath:  _ ok so alex and john are dating 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ boi 

_ pegandcheese:  _ u just gettin this ?????

_ laffytaffy:  _ they literally eyefuck all the time

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ ang you ok??

_ hamilburger:  _ you broke john 

_ hamilburger:  _ he wont stop laughing 

_ angelofdeath:  _ just hear me out 

_ hamilburger:  _ oK BUT JOHN IS STILL LAUGHIGN 

_ angelofdeath:  _ and eliza and maria are dating 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ boi

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ should i call 911 ?? is she dyimg ???

_ angelofdeath:  _ and pegs and laf are dating 

_ pegandcheese:  _ um yes

_ laffytaffy:  _ im lost 

_ angelofdeath:  _ and herc is single as fuck 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ok see i was gonna ignore this group chat bc im bitter but wOW THANKS A BUNCH ANGELICA

_ angelofdeath:  _ so everyone’s bf/gf is included in this group chat

_ angelofdeath:  _ ‘cept for mine 

_ angelofdeath:  _ im raising my eyebrows btw 

_ angelofdeath:  _ ahem 

_ angelofbreath:  _ where’s my boyfriend 

_ angelofdeath:  _ why isnt he here

_ hamilburger:  _ bc he’s a disgusting macaroni fucking piece of trash and i gotta go take a shower bc now im thinking about him

_ pegandcheese:  _ ^

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ^^

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ ^^^

_ laffytaffy:  _ ^^^^

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i tried to ignore y’all again but ^^^^^ i must agree

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ ok let me just say in angelica’s defense

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ that she has dated worse men 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ well actually just the one worse man but still

_ angelofdeath:  _ wow thanks so much eliza i love you too

_ hamilburger:  _ you cant name anyone worse than thomas the bag of shit jefferson

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ aaron burr

_ laffytaffy:  _ i think burr and jefferson are equally horrible 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ^^yeh

__ _ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ basically

_ hamilburger:  _ ew now im thinking about both of them

_ hamilburger:  _ now i REALLY need a shower

_ johnfkennedy:  _ guys 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ GUYS

_ johnfkennedy:  _ he’s actually going to take a shower

_ pegandcheese:  _ wow i hate him

_ headlesshorseman:  _ omfg 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i’m not even surprised

_ angelofdeath:  _ typical 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ be back in a bit ima go join him 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ JOHN NO 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ john i s2g if you come back and start tellin us bout your shower sex

_ laffytaffy:  _ brb killing myself 

_ pegandcheese:  _ #stopthesin2k16

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i despise them 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ same tbh 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ OK ITS BOTHERING ME 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ HOW DO I CHANGE IT 

_ angelofdeath:  _ if by “it” you mean ALex and John’s personalities then i ask myself that same question every day of my life

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ NO MY USERNAME 

_ pegandcheese:  _ NO ONE TELL HETR 

_ pegandcheese:  _ DOIT OUU FUCKING DARE 

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ ANYONE WHO TELLS HER WILL DI E A VRY PAINFUL DEATH AT MY HAND S

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ I KWNO WHERE YOU AL LIVE MOTHERCUCKERS I SWREAR TO GOD

_ angelofdeath:  _ well looks like you’re outta luck liz

_ laffytaffy:  _ sorry but i ahve to live with her so im not too keen to upset her

_ headlesshorsemane:  _ i’m too young to die sorry lizard

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ maria you’re my gf

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ tell me now

_ pegandcheese:  _ maria just remember you were my friend before you were eliza’s girlfriend

_ pegandcheese:  _ bros before hoes

_ pegandcheese:  _ pals before gals

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ sorry babe i love you but this is pretty hilarious so i gotta side with peggy on this one eeehhhh

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ MKTHERFUCK 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ sry

_ hamilburger:  _ yoooooo

_ johnfkennedy:  _ we be back

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ew

_ pegandcheese:  _ sinner alert 

_ laffytaffy:  _ how was your shower sex?

_ angelofdeath:  _ LAFAYETTE

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ laf i thought we all agreed that we didn’t wanna know about john and alex’s ~~~sinning~~~

_ laffytaffy:  _ well i for one am curious

_ pegandcheese:  _ well i for one am triggered

_ hamilburger:  _ our shower sex was great, since you asked 

_ angelofdeath:  _ ew

_ pegandcheese:  _ ^

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ ^^

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ ^^^

_ hamilburger:  _ liz ya know you can change your username right ???

_ pegandcheese:  _ ALEX

_ eliza_is_satan666: HWO _

__ _ eliza_is_satan666: HOW _

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ DONT TELL HER OR ILL COME TO YOUR HOUSE IN THE MIDLLE OF THE NIGHT AND XUT YOUR DICK OFF 

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ THI IAZ WHY YOU GOTTA CATH UP ON THE MESSAGES YOU MISSED WHILE YOU WERE SINNING

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ I S2G IF YOU TELL HER HOW TO CHANGE UT YOU WILE WISH YOUD NEVER EEN BORJ HAMILTON

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ YOU KNOW I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE SO JUST KEEP RHAT IN MIND AS YOU PROCEED

_ hamilburger:  _ ,,,,,sorry liz i wanna survive so like 

_ hamilburger:  _ i cant help you so sorry

_ johnfkennedy:  _ im kinda frightened

_ johnfkennedy:  _ kind fearing for our lives a lil bit rn

_ headlesshorseman:  _ what’d i miss i was making me a sangwich 

_ laffytaffy:  _ peggy is threatening lives again 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ so basicallu i didnt miss anything new 

_ angelofdeath:  _ nope

_ headlesshorseman:  _ nice

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex bby you’re still naked

_ hamilburger:  _ im aware thank you 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ well put some pjs on and come snuggle 

_ hamilburger:  _ uuugggggghhhh

_ johnfkennedy:  _ N O W 

_ hamilburger:  _ fine

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ couldn’t you have just 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ like

__ _ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ had a verbal conversation?????

_ hamilburger:  _ we could ahve

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ but ???

_ johnfkennedy:  _ but its so nice and quiet here i didnt wanna ruin it 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ yayyyyyyyyyy<3<3<3<3<3

_ laffytaffy:  _ ?

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex is snugglin wit me:):):):):):)

_ angelofdeath:  _ aw

_ headlesshorseman:  _ otp

_ pegandcheese:  _ parents

_ johnfkennedy:  _ true and true :D

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ um

__ _ eliza_is_satan666:  _ herc

__ _ eliza_is_satan666:  _ you told me that me and maria are your otp 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ,,,,,uh

_ pegandcheese:  _ wait just one motherfuckin second

_ pegandcheese:  _ you told me that me and laf are your otp !!!!!!

_ headlesshorseman:  _ wellllllllllll

__ _ laffytaffy:  _ :O

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ T R I G G E R E D 

_ hamilburger:  _ well this is awkward

_ angelofdeath:  _ #exposed

_ headlesshorseman:  _ you’re all my otps

_ pegandcheese:  _ hercules it literally stands for one true pairing 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ONE

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ you can only have ONE

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ so pick ONE,,,,, now pls

_ laffytaffy:  _ ^^^^

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ fr

_ hamilburger:  _ you should def pick me and and john tho 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i second that ^

_ angelofdeath:  _ well this is quite a pickle youve gotten yourself into herc

_ headlesshorseman:  _ oh dear god

_maria.the.meme.lord:_ ok ok ok as the meme lord and the queen of tumblr im gonna have to defend herc on this one 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ even though peggys technically right and otp stands for one true pairing i have never actually come across a person who actually has one single otp above all others that is their one true pairing and i bet none of you have either 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ,,,,,eliza your girlfriend forfeited the competition

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ GODDAMMIT

_ pegandcheese:  _ ok herc its between pegayette and lams 

_ pegandcheese:  _ whose it gonna be hm 

_ laffytaffy:  _ :):):):):):)

_ headlesshorseman:  _ uh

_ headlesshorseman:  _ lams

_ laffytaffy:  _ :(:(:(:(:(:(

_ pegandcheese:  _ WHAT

_ johnfkennedy:  _ YES

_ hamilburger:  _ HAHA WE ARE DA BESTEST

_ johnfkennedy:  _ WOOOOOHOOOOOO

_ pegandcheese:  _ BUT THEY HAD SHOIWER SEX AND TALKED ABOUT IT

_ headlesshorsemen:  _ thats all well and good but you aRE YELLING AT ME

_ angelofdeath:  _ guys

_ headlesshorsemen:  _ AND THEY ONLY TALKED ABOUT IT BECASUE LAF ASKED ABOUT IT SO IM MAD AT THEM NOT ALEX AND JOHN SO LAMS WINS

_ johnfkennedy:  _ this pleases me

_ angelofdeath:  _ guys

_ hamilburger:  _ ya know what else pleases him??

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ DONT

_ hamilburger:  _ my 

_ angelofdeath:  _ gUYS

_ hamilburger:  _ PENIS

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ fuck you 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i take it bak

__ _ headlesshorseman:  _ never mind 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i dont need an otp

_ johnfkennedy:  _ DAMMIT ALEX

_ johnfkennedy:  _ WE WERE WINNING AND YOU RUINED IT

_ hamilburger:  _ :( sorry bby

_ angelofdeath: _ GUY

_ johnfkennedy:  _ its ok i forgive you 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ but only cuz i love you lots 

_ angelofdeath:  _ IF SOMEONE DOESNT FUCKIN ANSWER ME

_ laffytaffy:  _ sup ang

_ angelofdeath:  _ it’s almost 11:30pm

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ yep 

_ hamilburger:  _ yeah? and??

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ here we go again 

_ angelofdeath:  _ and,,,,

_ angelofdeath _ : someone is at my door


	2. Chapter 2

_     johnfkennedy:  _ what the shit

_ angelofdeath:  _ what do i doooooooo

_ pegandcheese:  _ can you see who it is???

_ angelofdeath:  _ not without them seeing me through the window 

_ angelofdeath:  _ what do i do

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i dunno what would jesus do

_ laffytaffy:  _ idk what i’d do sry

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ stfu

_ angelofdeath:  _ ok im goin in

_ headlesshorseman:  _ that seems kinda dangerous 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ dont die 

_ hamilburger:  _ this seems like a bad idea

_ pegandcheese:  _ this seems like a VERY bad idea

_ pegandcheese:  _ pls stop you cant die you’re my favorite sister

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ HEY

_ pegandcheese:  _ im jk im jk 

_ pegandcheese:  _ im my favorite sister 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ oh jesus christ

_ laffytaffy:  _ right here

_ pegandcheese:  _ ok satan

_ angelofdeath:  _ it was just thomas

_ hamilburger:  _ EW

_ hamilburger:  _ DO YOU WANT ME TO HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER SHOWER OMF

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i do ;)

_ pegandcheese:  _ #stopthesin2k16

_ angelofdeath:  _ thomas wants to know who im texting

_ hamilburger:  _ possessive much ????

_ angelofdeath:  _ i showed him the chat 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ now he knows our secrets

_ angelofdeath:  _ he wants to know why he wasnt included 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ bc he a bitch ass motherfuckin hoe

_ hamilburger:  _ awwww jooohhhnn

_ hamilburger:  _ you took the words right out of my mouth :)

_ hamilburger:  _ we are meant to be <3

_ johnfkennedy:  _ fr we are

_ pegandcheese:  _ do y’all have A List

_ johnfkennedy:  _ tf what

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ you’re gonna have to be more specific

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ a list of what ???

__ _ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ groceries???

__ _ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ my victims??????????

_ laffytaffy:  _ no like the lists the friends in friends had

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ the tv show ??

_ pegandcheese:  _ yep 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ oh so like celebrities we’re allowed to sleep with should the opportunity present itself and our partner cant get angry

_ pegandcheese:  _ exactly

_ laffytaffy:  _ precisely 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ nah we dont got that 

_ hamilburger:  _ neither do we

_ angelofdeath:  _ thomas and i dont 

_ hamilburger:  _ no1 curs abowt thomasshole

_ johnfkennedy:  _ do you and laf have A List

_ pegandcheese:  _ sure do

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ ok you’re gonna have to tell us who’s on these lists

_ pegandcheese:  _ 1\. Beyonce 

  1. Jennifer Aniston 
  2. Adam Levine 
  3. Dan Howell
  4. Matt Smith 



_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ lemme make sure im gettin this

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ danisnotonfire is on your List??

_ pegandcheese:  _ yeah have you seen him ???

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ isnt matt smith the guy from doctor who?

_ pegandcheese:  _ yeah stop judging have you seen him??

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ,,,,,laf whos on your list

_ laffytaffy:  _ 1\. Beyonce

  1. Benedict Cumberbatch
  2. Tom Hiddleston 
  3. Eddie Redmayne 
  4. Misha Collins



_ angelofdeath:  _ you both chose beyonce as your number 1??

_ laffytaffy:  _ yep

_ pegandcheese:  _ duh 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i agree that ben and eddie are SEVERELY bangable 

_ hamilburger:  _ hi boyfriend here 

_ hamilburger:  _ but for real who WOULDNT bang them ???

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ ok i made mine 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ um wow i wasnt aware we were doing this

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ you gonna make one?

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ yup

_ johnfkennedy:  _ idk who to put on mine

_ hamilburger:  _ i need one more

_ angelofdeath:  _ thomas is typing furiously hes making a List

_ angelofdeath:  _ im with john this is too hard

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i need to get a gf so i can have a List :(((((

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ ok so anyway

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ 1\. Lin-Manuel Miranda

  1. Anne Hathaway 
  2. Trevor Noah
  3. Jennifer Lopez
  4. Channing Tatum 



_ headlesshorseman:  _ srsly??? channing tatum 

_ angelofdeath:  _ oh jesus christ

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ dont judge 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ dammmmnn why didnt i think of j-lo ugh 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ^^ew

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ some of us like boobs jawn 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ^^ew

_ hamilburger:  _ who tf is lin manuel miranda ???

_ pegandcheese:  _ hes a god tbh

_ laffytaffy:  _ tru af^^^^

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ he wrote in the heights 

_ hamilburger:  _ wait so like he went to the heights and wrote or he wrote something called in the heights??

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ in the heights is one of the best musicals of all time and if youve seriously never heard of it i dont think i can be your friend anymore :/ 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ and lin also played the lead in the musical 

_ hamilburger:  _ he cast himself 

_ hamilburger:  _ as the lead 

_ hamilburger:  _ in the musical he wrote

_ hamilburger _ : ?????

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ yes

_ hamilburger:  _ ifc

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ listen if you talk shit about my bby lin i’ll fuck you up man 

_ hamilburger:  _ um ok wow 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ UM OK I LOOKED UP PICS OF THIS LIN MANUAL WHATEVER 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ AND HOT DAYYUMMMMMM

_ johnfkennedy:  _ WHAT A FINE PIECE OF ASS

_ hamilburger:  _ lemme see

_ pegandcheese:  _ LET ME SEE TOO I WANNA SE HIS BEAUTIFUL FACEEE

_ johnfkennedy:  _ **_attachment: 5 images_ **

**** _ hamilburger:  _ he kinda looks like me like

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ hahahahahahhahahaha ok 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ you wish

_ hamilburger:  _ but he does

_ pegandcheese:  _ yeah no 

_ laffytaffy:  _ lin is wayyyyyy hotter than you alex soz

_ headlesshorseman:  _ bro im straight as fuck but id bang that guy and i wouldnt bang you alex sooooooooo

_ hamilburger:  _ GUYS STAHP HE LOOKS A LOT LIKE ME

_ angelofdeath:  _ riiiiiiiiight

_ johnfkennedy:  _ if it makes you feel any better baby i still wanna have sex with you ;)

_ hamilburger:  _ thanks bae

_ johnfkennedy:  _ even though you look absolutely nothing like lynn manual mirandasings

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ BITCH

_ hamilburger:  _ BUT I DOOOOOOO !!!!

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ HIS NAME IS LIN MANUEL MIRANDA AND I S2G IF ANYONE MAKES FUN OF HIM I WILL WHOPP THEIR ASS

_ hamilburger:  _ im gonna commit 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i have my list !!!!!!!!

_ angelofdeath:  _ thomas said his is done too

_ pegandcheese:  _ tell thomas no one cares about him 

_ pegandcheese:  _ as you were saying maria 

_ maria.the.meme.lord _ : 1. Rhianna

  1. Samantha Barks
  2. Jhene Aiko
  3. Rita Ora
  4. Mila Kunis



_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ das a pretty good list

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ i approve

_ pegandcheese:  _ but ya know who’s hotter than all of those people combined ??

_ laffytaffy:  _ me 

_ pegandcheese:  _ lin manuel miranda

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _  eehhhh i mean hes good looking but definitely not better than all five of those SUPER HOT LADIES combined 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ youre gay are you really the best judge of how hot a dude is 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ im gay not blind ya dumb fuck

_ hamilburger:  _ who wants to go next cuz im still trying to think of who to put in my last spot

_ angelofdeath:  _ thomas wants to share his

_ pegandcheese:  _ no

_ hamilburger:  _ ew no

_ laffytaffy:  _ noooo

_ johnfkennedy:  _ no one cares

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ tell him to shove his List up his Ass

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ seriously guys burr was worse

_ hamilburger:  _ debatable 

_ angelofdeath:  _ 1\. Ryan Gosling

  1. Skylar Diggins 
  2. Khloe Kardashian 
  3. Erica Mena
  4. Michael Jordan



_ pegandcheese:  _ no one caaaaaaaresssssss about thomas 

_ hamilburger:  _ ok i filled the final spot on my List ™ 

_ pegandcheese: _ i apporve of the trademark

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ go on 

_ hamilburger:  _ k here goes 

_ hamilburger:  _ 1\. Kat Dennings

  1. Drake 
  2. Jensen Ackles
  3. Zooey Deschanel
  4. David Beckham 



_ johnfkennedy:  _ drake??? rlly?? :///

_ hamilburger:  _ is this your list?? no??? ok then 

_ hamilburger:  _ i happen to find him v attractive so why dont you just shut the hell up and tell me who’s on your list 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ well you’re in luck cuz i jsut finished it so here we go 

__ _ johnfkennedy:  _ 1\. Ryan Reynolds 

  1. George Clooney 
  2. Chris Hemsworth 
  3. RDJ
  4. Obama



_ laffytaffy:  _ ????????????????????

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ oBAMA!!!??!!?!?!?!!??!!!!!!!?

_ johnfkennedy:  _ yes 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ uuuummmmmmmm

_ angelofdeath:  _ ok but why tho 

_ hamilburger:  _ not gunna lie thas weird hun

_ angelofdeath:  _ im so done rn 

_ pegandcheese:  _ john u ok honey???

_ johnfkennedy:  _ im fiiiiinnnneeee obama is just hot ok ???

_ hamilburger:  _ um 

_ laffytaffy:  _ i dont see it 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok listen peggy had the friggin doctor from doctor fucking who and everyone was chill 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ no one even pointed out that eliza had the fucking host of the daily show on her list 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ excuse you trevor noah is a bean 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex had drake ????

_ johnfkennedy:  _ thomas the macaroni fuckker had a kardashian ew

_ johnfkennedy:  _ and leets not forget that eliza had lint mule bandana on her List ™ so everyone calm downa nd stop yelling at me just bc i think the leader of the free world is a lil sexy 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ im too tired to even argue with you 

__ _ eliza_is_satan666:  _ even tho yoiu insulted lin :S

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ yeah i think its about time for sleep 

_ laffytaffy:  _ yesssss

_ laffytaffy:  _ peggy come snuggle with meeeeeeee

_ laffytaffy:  _ yayyyyyy shes snuggling with meeeeeee

_ angelofdeath:  _ ok goodnight all

_ hamilburger:  _ night ang tell jefferson i said i hope he dies in his sleep 

_ angelofdeath:  _ done with your shit hamilton 

_ hamilburger: ;) _

***

_ laffytaffy:  _ favorite u.s. president. go.

_ johnfkennedy:  _ abraham lincoln

_ pegandcheese:  _ but your username is literally jfk ?????

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oh im sorry i didnt realize my name was abraham laurens

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oh wait its not

_ johnfkennedy:  _ hence the reason i used jfk for my username and not lincoln wow amazing 

_ pegandcheese:  _ die

_ johnfkennedy:  _ :(

` _ hamilburger:  _ im gonna go with obama

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i would think obama would be john’s favorite president since he thinks obama is a sexy beast or whatever

_ johnfkennedy:  _ it is 2016 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ stop kinkshaming me

_ headlesshorseman:  _ since when is the president of our country a fetish???

_ angelofdeath:  _ guys i want you to like my boyfriend 

_ laffytaffy:  _ sorry no can do

_ pegandcheese:  _ well isnt that just super unfortunate 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ i like him more than i liked burr :/

_ johnfkennedy:  _ guys alex wont stop laughing

_ johnfkennedy:  _ send help

_ johnfkennedy:  _ he may die

_ angelofdeath:  _ this isnt going as planned

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i thought we were gonna give up on this group chat 

_ pegandcheese:  _ why ??? would you think that 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ well it was more really hoping 

_ hamilburger:  _ IM DYING OVER HERE 

_ hamburger:  _

_ hamburger:  _ ANGELICA WANTS ME TO LIKE THOMAS JEFFEROSM 

__ _ hamburger:  _ GUYS I CANT BREATHE

__ _ hamburger:  _ THIS IS THE MOST HILARIOIS THINFG THAT HAS EVER HAPPEND TO ME

__ _ hamburger:  _ GUYAS JUST TEKE A SECOND A TRY TO OMAGINE A WORLD WHERE JEFFERSON AND I GER ALONG 

__ _ hamburger:  _ YOU CANT DO IT I BET YOU ANYTHING YOU ALL CANT TO IT

_ angelofdeath:  _ calm your shit bro

_ headlesshorseman:  _ angelica we’re never gonna like your boyfriend i’m sorry but that’s just the way it is

_ pegandcheese:  _ you could, of course, get a new boyfriend 

_ pegandcheese:  _ :))))))))))) pls

_ angelofdeath:  _ no

_ angelofdeath:  _ anyway i jsut wanted to apologize 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ hwhy?

_ angelofdeath:  _ ,,,,,,,,,

_ angelofdeath  _ has added _ macaroniandjefferson  _ to the conversation

_ hamilburger: _ NO 

_ hamilburger:  _ NO ABSOLUTELY NOT 

_ laffytaffy:  _ i actually hate you wow

_ johnfkennedy:  _ eeewwwwwwwwwwwww

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ^^^

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ sigh

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ im gonna yell 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ hello all

_ hamilburger:  _ THATS NOT EVEN A CLEVER USERNAME WHAT THE FUCK I AM SCREAMIMG 

_ pegandcheese:  _ I

_ pegandcheese:  _ AM

_ pegandcheese:  _ T R I G G E R E D

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ really feelin the love 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ so wassup 

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ come on guys im not that bad

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ you’re really all just gonna ignore me ???? 

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ angelica you could at least answer me you’re the one who got me into this horrible mess

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ wow 

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ok 

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ i see how it is

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ seriously though stop ignoring me 

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ how r00d

***

_ johnfkennedy:  _ **_attachment: 1 image_ **

_ johnfkennedy:  _ can’t wait for you to get home <3

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ OH MY GOD 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ OH MY GOD NOOOOOO

_ johnfkennedy:  _ THIS WAS MEANT TO BE A DM NOT A GC MESSAGE 

_ hamilburger:  _ smh 

_ angelofdeath:  _ oh my god !!!!!!!!!!

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ jawn no

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ WHAT THE FLIPPING FUCK IS THAT 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ JOHN LAURENS THERE IS NO SEXTING IN THE GROUP CHAT OMFG 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ jawn stahp

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ IS THAT REALLY WHAT A PENIS LOOKS LIKE 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ SHIT NO WONDER IM GAY 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ HOW ARE THERE STRAIGHT GIRLS???? HOW ARE THERE GAY GUYS????? HOW IS THERE ANYOJE ATTRACTED TO DUDES??????????? HOW TO PEOPLE LIVE WITH PENISES????!!

_ laffytaffy:  _ you dated guys before tho ???

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ YEAH BUT I NEVER SAW THEM NAKED

_ hamilburger:  _ no matter how hard “they” tried 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ shut up im gay i cant help it 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ are we just not gonna talk bout the fact that laurens just showed all of us his penis??

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok listen none of us want you here

_ johnfkennedy:  _ except angelica but we’re still holding out for her to end up hating you 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ but anyway if you’re gonna be here then you gotta learn the ways of the group chat and in our group chats we move on from things v quickly 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ its true there are few conversational topics that last for very long

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ well ok then 

_ pegandcheese:  _ yo what’d i miss

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ my catchphrase excuse

_ laffytaffy:  _ hello

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ where have you two been ???

_ pegandcheese:  _ ~~~~SINNING~~~~~

_ pegandcheese:  _ ah john’s dick 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ I AM YOUR SISTER I DID NOT NEED TO KNOW THAT 

__ _ angelofdeath:  _ OH I SO DIDNT NEED THAT PICTURE IN MY HEAD EW EW EW 

_ laffytaffy:  _ what exactly do you think we do ???

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ shut up

_ hamilburger:  _ **_attachment: 1 image_ **

**** _ eliza_is_satan666:  _ BRO

_ angelofdeath:  _ OH MY GOD NOT THIS SHIT AGAIN 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ NOT ANOTHR ONE

_ laffytaffy:  _ wow

_ pegandcheese:  _ It’s Time To Stop ™ 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ^^^^^

_ macaroniandjefferson  _ has left the conversation 

_ hamilburger:  _ YEZ

_ johnfkennedy:  _ hun how did you make the exact same mistake i just did 

_ hamilburger:  _ it wasnt a mistake i did it on purpose

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ HWHY

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ YES WHY WHART DID I EVER DO TO YOU 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex ur fuckin weird

_ headlesshorseman:  _ alexander hamilton i hate you 

_ laffytaffy:  _ oh sweet baby jesus 

_ hamilburger:  _ i wanted to see if itd make jefferson leave 

_ hamilburger:  _ and it WORKED 

_ hamilburger:  _ :)))))

_ laffytaffy:  _ ,,,,,,,,,

_ pegandcheese:  _ i just 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ thats actually genius 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ok good job alex im proud 

_ angelofdeath:  _ im so fucking done 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ idk if it was worth the dick pic 

_ hamilburger:  _ eliza you have seen my dick irl

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ not the point bich 

_ angelofdeath:  _ ive seen your dick irl too alex but that doesnt mean i wanna see it again 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ wait how many people in this group chat have seen alex’s dick irl 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i can THANKFULLY say that i have not 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ^^same

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ :( i have 

_ hamilburger:  _ why the frown my dick is lovely excuse

_ angelofdeath:  _ i have too :(((((((

_ laffytaffy:  _ it was only like once or twice

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ,,,,,,it was an accident ok 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oh jeez 

_ hamilburger:  _ too many people have seen my dick this is a problem 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ yeah can you stop showing people your dick please

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ yes pLEASE

_ hamilburger:  _ why my dear laurens are you jealous ?????

**_johnfkennedy:_ always <3 **


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be prepared!! The plot is going to start picking up now!!

_ pegandcheese  _ has added  _ macaroniandjefferson  _ to the conversation 

_ pegandcheese:  _ everybody attention please

_ hamilburger:  _ WHAT NO 

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ why me 

_ hamilburger:  _ excuse me peggy do i need to send you all another picture of my dick because if you think that i wont do it then hahahahhahahaa you got another thing coming missy and that thing is A PICTURE OF MY PENIS RIGHT HERE IN THIS GROUP CHAT

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ I S2G IF I SEE A DICK AGAIN BECAUSE OF THOMAS FUCKING JEFFERSON I WILL FUCKING PUNCH THE WALL

_ johnfkennedy:  _ look alex has been in a real great mood all day and you’re kinda ruining that a lil bit and i wanna have sex later sooooo could you maybe cut it out pls ???

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ i will gladly leave

_ pegandcheese:  _ no youre staying 

_ pegandcheese:  _ i only need him for a little while 

_ pegandcheese:  _ laf and i have News

_ laffytaffy:  _ we do indeed

_ laffytaffy:  _ News with a capital N

_ johnfkennedy:  _ actually we have News too

_ pegandcheese:  _ well our News is Big News

_ hamilburger:  _ well our Big News is Bigger News

_ laffytaffy:  _ well our Big News is The Biggest News ™ 

_ hamilburger:  _ oh damn 

_ pegandcheese:  _ victory is ours 

_ pegandcheese:  _ thanks laf

_ headlesshorseman:  _ what the actual fuck 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ im so lost rn whats going on

_ angelofdeath:  _ clearly theres a lot of fucking news to go around 

_ laffytaffy:  _ *News

_ angelofdeath:  _ stfu 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ok can we get thsi news or News over with so i can leave 

_ pegandcheese:  _ sure thing 

_ pegandcheese:  _ alex and john can share their news first 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ whyyyy

_ laffytaffy:  _ bc our news is gonna completely annihilate yours and we’d hate to make you go right after us 

_ pegandcheese:  _ it’d be as bad as whoever has to perform after beyonce

_ johnfkennedy:  _ would it be like beyonce performing and then linda mantlepiece banana???

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ im gonna fucking scream i s2fg

_ hamilburger:  _ well our news 

_ hamilburger:  _ we’re getting a dog 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ screeeeeeee 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i cant fucking wait you guys 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ oh my gooooooooooooooooooooooddd thats awesome 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ DUDES YES

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ nice !!

_ hamilburger:  _ thomas jefferson you will not be allowed within 100 yards of our dog 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ^

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i will be cuddling the dog all day everyday just so you are aware

_ angelofdeath:  _ im more of a cat person honestly 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ok well thats nice and all

_ pegandcheese:  _ isnt that nice laf ??

_ laffytaffy:  _ ah yes so nice a dog how lovely 

_ laffytaffy:  _ but woweeee our Big News is Much Bigger

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ alright go on then 

_ pegandcheese:  _ well 

_ pegandcheese:  _ we’re having a baby 

_ angelofdeath:  _ TF WHAT ONG 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ye

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ NO WAY OMG 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ DUDES AWESOME 

_ laffytaffy:  _ :))))))))))))))))))

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ IM GONNA BE AN AUNTIIEEEEE

_ hamilburger:  _ omg guuuyyyysssssssss

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oh my god youre right thats way cooler than our news 1!!!!!

__ _ angelofdeath:  _ IM GONNA BE AN AAAAAAUUUUNNNTTTT

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ omg wow congrats 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ omg so am i!!!!

_ angelofdeath:  _ uh what ??^

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ uhhh ive been peggy’s best friend since middle school and im dating eliza i WILL be auntie maria

_ angelofdeath:  _ ok fair enough

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex thats a way better idea !!!!!!!!

_ hamilburger:  _ excuse me??

_ johnfkennedy:  _ forget the dog 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ lets have a KID

_ hamilburger:  _ fuckin whet

_ pegandcheese:  _ OMG YES

_ pegandcheese:  _ YOU TWO WOULD BE SUCH CUTE PARENTS

_ laffytaffy:  _ agreed^^

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ehhhh john accidentally sent us pictures of his dick not too long long ago and then after that alex sent us dick pics on purpose

_ headlesshorseman:  _ are these really the things you look for in parents these days???

_ angelofdeath _ : idk maybe it’ll finally give them some responsibility 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ dudes yes have a baby 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ aaawwwww pegs is right you guys you would be such cute parents <3<3 <3

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ dooooo iiiiittt

_ hamilburger:  _ uuuummmmmmmmmm

_ hamilburger:  _ ok john we’re gonna have a chat when i get home 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ about our future child ??

_ hamilburger:  _ no john see we actually agreed on getting a dog 

_ hamilburger:  _ we never said anything about getting a baby

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ um this seems like a dm kind of a conversation

_ hamilburger:  _ shut up thomas 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ right i’ll just be going then

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ have fun with all your baby issues 

_ macaroniandjefferson  _ has left the conversation 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ok guys as much as i hate myself for saying this,,,,, thomas is right 

_ pegandcheese:  _ this isnt a group chat kinda conversation 

_ laffytaffy:  _ but since youre having it here anyway then may i add that if you were to adopt a kid now they would be around the same age as mine and peggy’s baby and they could be bestiessss :)

_ hamilburger:  _ we are not having this conversation now

_ hamilburger:  _ john and i will have this discussion later in person and alone 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ lol someone is piiiiiiissed

_ johnfkennedy:  _ :((

***

**_hamilburger & johnfkennedy DM_ **

__ _ hamilburger:  _ ok im stuck in deadlock traffic so im not gonna be home for a while and i wanna get this conversation over with 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ why are you so worked up cuz i wanna have a kid?

_ hamilburger:  _ we agreed that we were ready to get a dog, not to be parents 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ we could do it!!

_ johnfkennedy:  _ we’ve always said we wanted to ever since we started dating

_ hamilburger:  _ we’re still so young though. we’ve only been out of college for a few years, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us 

_ hamilburger:  _ plus we said we’d wait til we got married to start a family

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ lets get married then 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex ????

_ johnfkennedy:  _ are you dead?

_ johnfkennedy:  _ HELLO!?

_ hamilburger:  _ did you really just ask me to marry you or was that a dream bc i just 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ that was real i promise you 

_ hamilburger:  _ ok well in that case did you seriously just suggest that we get married just because you suddenly wanna have a kid instead of the dog we agreed on ???????????

_ johnfkennedy:  _ no i suggested that we get married because i love you and i know that you’re the love of my life and i mean THE love of my life, hands down no questions asked 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ yeah i want a kid alex, i want a kid with YOU. i wanna have a family with you 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i dont care that we’re young or that we’re living in a one bedroom apartment on the fourth floor in the middle of new york city, i wanna curl up in bed with you a few years down the line with our little kid snuggled in between us and watch their first disney movie with them and i wanna be married to you and i just wanna have a life with you 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex woukd you please fucking answer me goddammit 

_ hamilburger:  _ yes

_ johnfkennedy:  _ hilarious 

_ hamilburger:  _ no i dont mean yes i’ll answer you 

_ hamilburger:  _ i mean 

_ hamilburger:  _ yes i’ll marry you 

_ hamilburger:  _ and yes i want all of those things 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ,,,,,really??

_ hamilburger:  _ yes john 

_ hamilburger:  _ oh my god im crying

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oh my god 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i love you so much 

_ hamilburger:  _ i love you <3

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i can’t wait to marry you omg 

_ hamilburger:  _ we are gonna be like the best parents 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ we’re gonna have a kid then ???!! 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ you agreeeee???????

_ hamilburger:  _ yes BUT ON ONE CONDITION 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok yes yes what is it 

_ hamilburger:  _ we get a dog too 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ :))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

_ johnfkennedy:  _ well duh 

***

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok we have The Biggest News Ever ™ 

_ pegandcheese:  _ try me laurens 

_ angelofdeath:  _ this News better be whether or not you’re gonna adopt a kid 

_ headlesshorseman _ : yeah cuz we’re all betting on it 

_ hamilburger:  _ seriously ??? smh

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ come on boys i got money riding on this 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ fingers crossed

_ hamilburger:  _ take it away john 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ okkkk alex and i are

_ laffytaffy:  _ JUST TELL US ALREADY THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ getting married

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ,,,,,,,how the fuck did that happen 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ OH MY GDO YOU ARE ?????!!?!?!?!?!??

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ GUYS THATS SO GREAT CONGRATS 

_ angelofdeath:  _ ok but are you adopting a kid or not 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ ^^^

_ pegandcheese:  _ ^^^

_ laffytaffy:  _ seriously 

_ hamilburger:  _ no we’re not adopting 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ hahahahahhahaha i win 

_ laffytaffy:  _ NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ YES

_ angelofdeath:  _ yeeeeeeee knew it !!!

_ pegandcheese:  _ GOD FUCKING DAMN

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ see this is why i didnt participate

_ johnfkennedy:  _ yeah so we’re not gonna adopt 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ we’re gonna find a surrogate instead

_ pegandcheese:  _ ONG YES COUGH IT UP BITCHES

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ damn 

_ angelofdeath:  _ aw man

_ headlesshorseman:  _ fuck 

_ laffytaffy:  _ aawwwwwwww yeeeeeeeeeeeeeehh

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ UM

__ _ eliza_is_satan666:  _ GUYS

__ _ eliza_is_satan666:  _ JOHN AND ALEX

_ hamilburger:  _ ??? yes ???

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ I CAN BE YOUR SURROGATE 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ !!!!!

_ hamilburger:  _ OMG YES

_ laffytaffy:  _ aaaaawwwwwwww yay 

_ pegandcheese:  _ oh how cute would that be<3

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ bff goals

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ ok when are we getting going on this 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ as soon as we’re married

_ angelofdeath:  _ and when are you getting that done 

_ hamilburger:  _ we’re going to the courthouse to apply for a marriage license tomorrow and we’re hoping everything will go smoothly and then we’ll hire a justice of the peace and get married

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ yessssssss im so excited 

**_johnfkennedy:_ lets do this !!!! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg Lin on SNL was the best thing that's ever happened to me!! Eliza in this chapter is basically all of my reactions to Lin :))))) 
> 
> (You don't need to watch the Lin SNL episode to read but it'll make more sense if you do plus it was absolutely amazing so I really think you should watch it if you haven't already!)

_ johnfkennedy:  _ guess who got approved for a marriage license todayyyy 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ spoiler alert,,,, it’s me and alex

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ lit af 

_ angelofdeath:  _ niiiice

_ headlesshorseman:  _ awesome fam

_ laffytaffy:  _ congrats mon ami 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ ABOUT TIME 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ im honored that youve chosen me to be your surrogate and im v excited to give you your first born child 

_ hamilburger:  _ dude you literally volunteered yourself

_ johnfkennedy:  _ in all caps

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ they speak the truth 

_ angelofdeath:  _ i mean yeah 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ whatever

_ johnfkennedy:  _ hey liza your boy is on jimmy falon rn 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ ,,,,,, excuse me what bOY

_ johnfkennedy:  _ Lute Man MirandaBailey

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ ok these arent even clever anymore

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ WAIT WAIT HE IS !!!???

_ hamilburger:  _ yes my twin is on tv right now 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ dude give it up you look nothing like him

_ hamilburger:  _ oh but i do

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ EVERYONE SHUT UP IM WATCHIN THE SECOND CUTEST HUMAN BEING ON THE PLANET 

_ laffytaffy:  _ um who’s the first ?

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ maria duh 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ <3

_ angelofdeath:  _ aw you two are the reason i believe in love

_ headlesshorseman:  _ aw otp 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ EXCUSE DONT ALEX AND I MAKE YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE 

_ pegandcheese:  _ doesnt your boyfriend make you believe in love ???

_ hamilburger:  _ no bc her boyfriend is thomas the francophile and he is incapable of human things like love 

_ angelofdeath:  _ f u 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ LIN IS HOSTING SNL NEXT SATURDAY OMF

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ I AM LIVING

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ oh dear lord

_ pegandcheese:  _ WAIT FOR REAL BRO??!!

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ YES

_ pegandcheese:  _ OMG THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME EVER 

_ angelofdeath:  _ better than when you found out youre gonna be a mother ???

_ pegandcheese:  _ YEPPEDY YEP YEP YEP 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ oh good in ten years im gonna tell your child you said that :)

_ pegandcheese:  _ go ahead and then after you do i’ll have them watch the episode of snl that lin will have hosted and they’ll totally agree with me :)))

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ ^^^ tru

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ OH MY GOD LIN IS FREESTYLE RAPPING WHY IS HE PERFECT 

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ IM SOBBING 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ guys shes actually crying what do i do 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ omf 

***

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ hey guyyysssssssss

_ eliza_is_satan666:  _ guess what i figured out how to do today 

_ hamilburger:  _ what 

_ eliza_is_satan666  _ has changed their username to  _ elizard _

_ pegandcheese:  _ FUCKK

_ pegandcheese:  _ WHO BLABBED 

_ elizard:  _ i asked thomas cuz hes almost never in thsi group chat so he didnt know not to tell me ;)

_ pegandcheese:  _ I WILL CUT HIM 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ANEGLICA FIND A NEW BOYFRIEND BC IMA MURDER YOurs 

_ angelofdeath:  _ ifc

_ johnfkennedy:  _ yo we set our wedding date 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ NICE 

_ elizard:  _ WHEN IS IT WHEN IS IT WHEN IS IT 

_ hamilburger:  _ 2 weeks from tomorrow :))))

_ hamilburger:  _ and we need two witnesses

_ elizard:  _ ME

_ pegandcheese:  _ ME ME ME 

_ laffytaffy:  _ NO MEEEEEEEEEEEE

_ headlesshorseman:  _ me you should pick me 

_ angelofdeath:  _ um yo 

_ elizard:  _ um hi ima give you a child sooooooo

_ laffytaffy:  _ unfair^^^ i cant give you i child i was born with male parts

_ pegandcheese:  _ i’ll give you my child !

_ laffytaffy:  _ um you will not 

_ pegandcheese:  _ shut up laugh baguette 

_ elizard:  _ do you know how fucking painful labor is ????

_ elizard:  _ lemme teach you a thing 

__ _ johnfkennedy:  _ thats really not necessary 

_ hamilburger:  _ pls dont 

_ elizard:  _ so when one has their period they have these terrible cramps that feel kinda like youre being stabbed violently in the lower abdomen and its just like normal for us vagina owners that is caused by your cervix opening,, so when youre on your period your cervix open bout this much >>>> . <<<< and that hurts a lot bUT WAIT THERES MORE !!!! when youre in labor it opens like THIS MUCH >>>> O <<<< and thast why i will be in TERRIBLE HORRIBLE PAIN and im voluntarily doing this for you two lil bitches so you better choose me 

__ _ johnfkennedy:  _ ok well this is all great and all and liz we’re v grateful that you’re putting yourself through The Worst Pain™ for us but like we need at least two that doesnt mean we cant have more

_ johnfkennedy:  _ so you can all stfu now please

_ headlesshorseman:  _ yayyyyy

_ laffytaffy:  _ woot woot 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ yas bitch 

_ angelofdeath:  _ lit

_ elizard:  _ nice

__ _ elizard:  _ guess what the day after tomorrow isssssss :)))))))

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ???

_ elizard:  _ ITS SATURDAY WHICH MEANS SNL IS COMING ON WHICH MEANS LIN MANUEL MIRANDA IS GOING TO BE BLESSING MY EYEBALLS

_ pegandcheese:  _ yeet

_ pegandcheese:  _ im so excited 

_ pegandcheese:  _ oh laf take tuesday out of 

_ laffytaffy:  _ why

_ pegandcheese:  _ cuz im going to get an ultrasound and a sonogram 

_ elizard:  _ yayyyyyy

_ angelofdeath:  _ yes!!! get me a copy of the sonogram picture 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ when are you gonna find out if its a boy or a girl 

_ pegandcheese:  _ when the child is old enough to figure that out for themself

_ laffytaffy:  _ perhaps they will be neither 

_ laffytaffy:  _ like meeeeeeee

_ headlesshorseman:  _ we get it you’re non-binary

_ johnfkennedy: ^^^ _ these damn straight cis dudes are so judgy 

_ laffytaffy:  _ fr

_ hamilburger:  _ smh 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i hate you all so much 

_ hamilburger:  _ ((((((:

***

_ elizard:  _ in just 10 minutes lin manuel miranda will make this world a better place by hosting snl

__ _ elizard:  _ he will end world hunger

__ _ elizard:  _ he will cure cancer

__ _ elizard:  _ he will end all war

__ _ elizard:  _ world peace will no longer be a dream but a reality

__ _ elizard:  _ simply because lmm is hosting snl

_ johnfkennedy:  _ why dont ya calm yourself down a lil bit there

_ hamilburger:  _ fr calm your shit 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ It’s Time To Stop ™ 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ITS NEVER TIME TO STOP WHEN LMM IS INVOLVED EXCUSE 

_ elizard:  _ ^^^^^^

_ headlesshorseman:  _ im actually pretty pumped for this snl actually 

_ hamilburger:  _ whyyy herc

_ headlesshorseman:  _ cuz this lin dude is hot ok like im straight im not saying i might be a lil gay im just saying that if lin told me he wanted to bang me id be down for that 

_ elizard:  _ hwow

_ laffytaffy:  _ !!

_ hamilburger:  _ but he looks just like me!!!!

_ angelofdeath:  _ he looks literally nothing like you bitch are you blind or something 

_ hamilburger:  _ NOT TRUE

_ laffytaffy:  _ ooh if the shoe fits wear it 

_ elizard:  _ ITS STARTING AAAAHHHHHH

_ elizard:  _ they’re doing a trump skit about his leaked conversation about what he can do to women 

_ elizard:  _ this is incredible 

_ elizard:  _ HILLARY OMG 

_ elizard:  _ okk okokokokok the theme song is playing and lin is about to MAKE MY LIFE 10000000x BETTER

_ elizard:  _ OMG THEY JUST ANNOUNCED HIM AND SHOWED A LIL GIF OF HIM AND HE DA CUTES

_ hamilburger:  _ thank you i am da cutes

_ johnfkennedy:  _ shut up you look nothing like him 

_ elizard:  _ OH MY GOD IM GONNA CRY HES SO FUCKING CUTE 

_ elizard:  _ HIS SHOES OH MY GOD I LOVE HIM 

_ elizard:  _ AAAHHHHH HIS VOICE IS BEAUTIFUL

_ elizard:  _ HE IS SO FUCKING FUNNY MY GOD

_ elizard:  _ OGH MY GOD HES SINGING 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ ifc

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ whats this “my shot” crap

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ why is he rapping about the founding fathers i just 

_ elizard:  _ SHUT UP HE IS PERFECT

_ elizard:  _ OMG AND TWENTY ONE PILOTS IS THE MUSICAL GUEST 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ WAIT FOR REAL?!!?! I LOVE TWENTY ONE PILOTS 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ALEX TURN THE TV ON NOWWWW

_ elizard:  _ omg hes singing 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ wheres twenty one pilots 

_ elizard:  _ NOW HES RAPPING IFC 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ damn he really is s’cute 

_ hamilburger:  _ seriously excatly like me

_ headlesshorseman:  _ no 

_ angelofdeath:  _ no 

_ laffytaffy:  _ no 

_ pegandcheese:  _ no

_ elizard:  _ now hes playin a friggin teacher ???? im shook 

_ elizard:  _ go on lin tell me who the best rapper is 

_ hamilburger:  _ surprise its me 

_ elizard:  _ SHAKESPEARE YAS 

_ hamilburger:  _ nope its actually me 

_ pegandcheese:  _ stahp 

_ elizard:  _ i love this sm 

_ hamilburger:  _ its amazing me how much this mofo looks like me 

_ elizard:  _ this is the best thing ive ever seen in my entire life

_ headlesshorseman:  _ can we talk about something other than friggin saturday night live and fucking lin manuel whatever

_ angelofdeath:  _ ^^

_ laffytaffy:  _ pls 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ THEY ARE SINGING 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ TYLER’S VOICE IS GIVING ME LIFE IM GONNA YELL

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i hate you 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is basically a special presidential debate chapter! If you really have no interest in the presidential debate I think you still may find what the hamilsquad has to say amusing, but if you just don't want to read it at all it doesn't advance the plot at all so no worries :)
> 
> Next chapter will get into John and Alex's wedding and start the ball rolling on Eliza's surrogate pregnancy and maybe some news about Peggy and Laf's baby <3

__ _ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ make it stop 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ????

_ angelofdeath:  _ what are we stopping 

_ maria.the.mem.lord:  _ eliza is fucking rewatching snl from last night 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ok me tho 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ #stopeliza2k16

_ elizard:  _ remember when he called donald trump a piece of shit on live television bc i do :’))))

_ hamilburger:  _ yo speaking of which who’s ready for the presidential debate bc dayumm hillary is gonna slayyyyyy

_ laffytaffy:  _ im so ready 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ sameee

_ headlesshorseman:  _ whats so great about watching teh debate anyway 

_ hamilburger:  _ watching donald trump fall on his ass while hillary slays my entire life thast what 

_ elizard:  _ hwow 

_ elizard:  _ me tho honestly

_ angelofdeath:  _ whens that coming on 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ in like 10 minutes

_ angelofdeath:  _ niceeeeee

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ am i allowed to turn off snl 

_ elizard:  _ no i will leave you 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ dayum 

_ hamilburger:  _ OMG ANDERSON COOPER IS ONE OF THE MODERATORS TONIGHT YAAAAAASSS

_ johnfkennedy:  _ OMF YAY HE THE GAY

_ laffytaffy:  _ nicccee i love the gay 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ONG ITS STARTING 

_ angelofdeath:  _ hILLARY YAY

_ elizard:  _ ew trump 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ HILLARY MY QUEEN 

_ hamilburger:  _ ew wtf trump go away you piece of shit 

_ elizard:  _ alex stop trying to be lin manuel miranda you will never be lin manuel miranda 

_ hamilburger:  _ stfu satan

_ elizard:  _ haha thats not even my username anymore 

_ pegandcheese:  _ its still relevant

_ elizard:  _ f u 

_ angelofdeath:  _ hillary is slaying as alwasys 

_ laffytaffy:  _ im tweeting the fuck outta the #imwithher 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ oh no trump is speaking

_ hamilburger:  _ ah it talks 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ my ears are bleeding make it stop 

_ pegandcheese:  _ YES TALK TO HIM ABOUT DEM TAPES

_ johnfkennedy:  _ “do you understand that you were talking about sexually assaulting women”

_ johnfkennedy:  _ “well you see isis” 

_ angelofdeath:  _ “no has more respect for women than i do”

_ angelofdeath:  _ HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

_ hamilburger:  _ BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

_ angelofdeath:  _ they can hear my laughter in china 

_ elizard:  _ yo hams lin says bahahahahaha a lot 

_ hamilburger:  _ SEE!? WE ARE THE SAME PERSON 

_ pegandcheese:  _ no

_ pegandcheese:  _ anyway 

_ pegandcheese:  _ moving on 

_ hamilburger:  _ instead of hillary responding to trump can i do it ???

_ laffytaffy:  _ sure go ahead

_ hamilburger:  _ you must be outta your gODDAMN MIND 

_ laffytaffy:  _ YES HILLARY DONALD HAS DISRESPECTED IMMIGRANTS 

_ hamilburger:  _ IMMIGRANTS WE GET THE JOB DONE 

_ pegandcheese:  _ slay my life hillary 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ “its just words” shut the fuck up you talkin outta your ass trump 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ actually shes doing a grand ol’ job with african americans trump youre the one who is STILL A RACIST PIECE OF SHIT 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ if he says locker room talk one more fucking time 

_ laffytaffy:  _ hillary just standin up being like “so much of what he just said is wrong” composing herself so that she doesnt just start screaming “LITERALLY ALL OF WHAT HE JUST SAID IS COMPLETE SHIT” 

_ hamilburger:  _ hillary is so great ok because if that was me i would not be able to just stand there and smile all amused like at him i would be beating him up 

_ hamilburger:  _ ok thats something trump would say so i apologize 

_ pegandcheese:  _ “i didnt wanna say this and i can’t believe im gonna say this” go on trump lemme hear what you got 

_ pegandcheese:  _ oh wow theyre gonna get a special prosecutor ok are we ever gonna actually stop talkin about these emails because we have been talking about these emails for so long and somehow instead of talking about all the new shit that trump has done we’re still talking about these fucking emails like im not gonna lie hillary is great but i was pissed about those emails when we first found out about them but im not even pissed about them anymore im just pissed that WE ARE STULL TALKING ABOUT THEM

_ elizard:  _ for real

_laffytaffy:_ “ooOOOOOoooOOOoHHHHhhHHH” “the audience needs to calm down” oMF IM LAUGHING 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ tag yourself im the audience

_ angelofdeath:  _ ima go follow the fact checker on hillary’s site 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ “please allow her a response she didnt talk while you talked” TAG YOURSELF IM ANDERSON COOPER 

_ elizard:  _ “ok donald i know youre into big diversions tonight anything to avoid talking about your campaign and the way its exploding and the way republicans are leaving you” OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. HILLARY. CLINTON. PLEASE. ADOPT. ME. 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ “i’d to know anderson why arent you bring up the emails” shut the fuck up ya great big dorito 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ok well he did mention the emails but aside from that lil fact maybe we’re not talking about the emails because WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT THEM ENOUGH 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ trump is just attacking anderson cooper bc he gay and trump dont like the gay

_ hamilburger:  _ he is throwing a tantrum rn i am laughing so hard 

_ laffytaffy:  _ who’s this stupid man who’s mentioning ObamaCare in the presence of donald trump 

_ angelofdeath  _ has added  _ macaroniandjefferson  _ to the conversation 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ are y’all seeing this shit ???

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ hillary might as well just shoot trump because shes killing him right now 

_ hamilburger:  _ at last a matter i can agree with thomas jefferson on 

_ pegandcheese:  _ holy shit ^^^^ a miracle 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ whats trump saying about obamacare i couldnt be bothered so i went to get some chips and hummus

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ just his usual shit 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ah so nothing i need to catch up on 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ wait ew when did thomas get here why are we not in an uproar

_ hamilburger:  _ hes insuling trump so hes chill just for tonight 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ah ok 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ im not even really paying attention to the debate anymore

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ liz fell asleep on top of me 

_ hamilburger:  _ john falls asleep on top of me all the time 

_ hamilburger:  _ after,,, you know ;)

_ pegandcheese:  _ #stopthesin2k16

_ angelofdeath:  _ im still following the online real time fact checker and i mean hillary is on her A game tonight

_ angelofdeath:  _ wait send a pic of liza 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ **_attachment: 1 image_ **

**** _ laffytaffy:  _ aw she s’cute 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ these moderators are so fucking done with trump 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ awwwww look at lil liz

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ yooooooo hillary is talking about lincoln the movie 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ YO THAT WAS A FUCKING GREAT MOVIE NOT JUST BECAUSE ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS FUCKING GREAT BUT BECAUSE IT WAS ACTUALLY FUCKING GREAT 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ oh my wow 

_ hamilburger:  _ if he sniffs one more time 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ “now she’s blaming her lie on the late great abraham lincoln thats one i havent heard… honest abe never told a lie and thats the difference between him and you” nOW WAIT JUST A FUCKUNG MINUTE 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ^^

_ headlesshorseman:  _ this debate is gonna make me throw up 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ yo yo yo yo this guy in the stands who’s asking a question rn is hella cute

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ I WAS JUST GONNA SAY THA

_ hamilburger:  _ hey yo me too

_ laffytaffy:  _ heeeeeyyyyyy also me 

_ pegandcheese:  _ sameeeeeeeee

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ well i definitely wasnt 

_ angelofdeath:  _ HE SAID BIGLY AGAIN

_ angelofdeath:  _ WHAT THE FUCK OF ALL THE WORDS YOU COULD ADD LY TO LIKE YOU COULD USE JUST ABOUT ANY OTHER WORD THAT MEANS BIG AND ADD LY TO THE END OF IT AND IT WOULD BE CORRECT EXCEPT FOR BIG ITSELF OH MY FUCKING SHIT 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ im done im turning it off

_ angelofdeath:  _ HERC NO YOU GOTTA SUPPORT HILL

_ headlesshorseman:  _ whats the point shes winning 

__ _ hamilburger:  _ ok true 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ i mean where is the lie

_ johnfkennedy:  _ wow i love how he keeps talking about bernie sanders like he cares about him or something 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ^^^^

_ laffytaffy:  _ hillary’s face rn just says “the lord is testing me”

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ^^^^   


_ hamilburger:  _ whyyyyyy is trump just pacing wtf 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ^^^^

_ hamilburger:  _ ok listen thomasshole i feel like we’re getting along real well right now which is real weird for us but if you dont cut it out with your fucking arrows

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ wowee

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ psa,,,,, eliza yawns in her sleep 

_ angelofdeath:  _ aawwww i remember she used to do that when we were all really little 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ ok ima go to sleep too,,,, gnight all 

_ laffytaffy:  _ night 

_ pegandcheese:  _ nighty night

_ angelofdeath:  _ they had to repeat the question to him i am living 

_ angelofdeath:  _ he disagrees with his running mate i am living

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ifc 

_ hamilburger:  _ the moderator is telling trump hes wrong i am livingggggg

_ johnfkenendy:  _ hillary looks like the passive agressive emoji rn 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ fr

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ok this has exhausted me mentally im going to bed 

_ hamilburger:  _ night herc

_ johnfkennedy:  _ niiiiiiight 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i think im gonna head to bed too 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ same here this whole debate is stupid,,, trump cant even stand on his own two feet im so done 

_ angelofdeath:  _ weak ass bitches 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ yeah whatever goodnight my love

_ hamilburger:  _ if he thinks hes gonna be friends with the latino americans and the hispanic americans and the african americans than hes got another thing coming to him 

_ angelofdeath:  _ im so very done with him

_ angelofdeath:  _ but im not gonna give up on wathcing the debate bc im not weak liKE SOME MOST PEOPLE 

_ hamilburger:  _ its just you and me against the world angelica 

_ angelofdeath:  _ i am v ready for this to be over tho 

_ hamilburger:  _ well yes true 

_ hamilburger:  _ are we seriously talking about benghazi again 

_ hamilburger:  _ this and the fucking emails im so done 

_ angelofdeath:  _ OMG ITS ALMOST OVER THANK GOD

_ angelofdeath:  _ listen i love hillary but im done with both of them right now because they need to stop ignoring the moderators

_ hamilburger:  _ ok true 

_ hamilburger:  _ MARRIAGE EQUALITY 

_ hamilburger:  _ YES WE SHOULD HAVE A SURPEME COURT WHO WILL KEEP MARRIAGE EQUALITY IM GETTING MARRIED IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS THANKSSS

__ _ angelofdeath:  _ im gonna cry ive been watching this debate and keeping up with the fact checkers online for almost an hour and a half but it feels like its been days that ive been watching this great big baked potato talking on my screen while hillary just looks bemused

_ hamilburger:  _ im starting to fall asleep im just hearing energy related words 

_ angelofdeath:  _ almost there

_ hamilburger:  _ he keeps fucking sniffing and its disgusting 

_ angelofdeath:  _ almost there

_ hamilburger:  _ my eyes are so heavy

_ angelofdeath:  _ almost fucking there dont you quit on me now hamilton 

_ hamilburger:  _ i know i know everyone else left and we’re the only two who are gonna make it ok im gonna do it i promise

_ angelofdeath:  _ you fucking better 

_ angelofdeath:  _ THIS DUDE WANTS THEM TO TALK POSITIVEKY ABOUT ONE ANOTHER BLESS HIS SOUL 

_ hamilburger:  _ and she just respects his kids omf im laughing 

_ hamilburger:  _ i thik i woke john up bc im laughing so hard 

_ angelofdeath:  _ this is gr9

_ angelofdeath:  _ ok trump that wasnt too bad that last statement that single thing wasnt so bad

_ hamilburger:  _ well its over goodnight i need sleep

_ angelofdeath:  _ oh god me too 

**_angelofdeath:_ night **


	6. Chapter 6

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok youre all coming tomorrow to be witnessed to our marital union right ???

_ elizard:  _ YES 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ ye 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ofc

_ laffytaffy:  _ wouldnt miss it for the world 

_ angelofdeath:  _ yes !!!! im so excited 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ v excited my dudes

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ um was this meant to include me ???

_ hamilburger:  _ well shit i forgot youre still here thomasshole

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ wow ok 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ and here i was thinking we were friends now after everything we went together on the night of the second presidential debate

_ hamilburger:  _ ,,,,,,,,,whet 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ lol im jk i would never think that 

_ hamilburger:  _ oh thank fuck 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ thomas you can come

_ hamilburger:  _ aHEM EXCUSE ME WHAT DID YOU JSUT SAY JAWN

_ johnfkennedy:  _ shut up alex its going to be a day of happiness and joy and everyone should be welcome 

_ hamilburger:  _ except my second least favorite person ever !!!!!

__ _ headlesshorseman:  _ um who do you hate more than jefferson 

_ hamilburger:  _ trump 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ah right 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i hate trump more than i hate myself

_ elizard:  _ whoa

_ angelofdeath:  _ this just got way too real

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ya know what i think i’ll come 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ yay the more the merrier

_ hamilburger:  _ um why tho 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ bc youre my friends and i care about you 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ lol im jk but ive got nothing better to do tomorrow so why the hell not

_ hamilburger:  _ jesus christ save me now

_ pegandcheese:  _ bros theres a dude on tv right now who looks just like laf 

_ laffytaffy:  _ he really does omg 

_ elizard:  _ what channel ???

_ angelofdeath:  _ ^^i need to see this shiz

_ pegandcheese:  _ abc

_ elizard:  _ holy shit it does

_ angelofdeath:  _ i dont see it 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ me neither 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oh he totallu looks like laf

_ hamilburger:  _ nah dont see it 

_ laffytaffy:  _ i think you see the resemblance alex and you just dont wanna admit it because you’re forever bitter over the lin manuel miranda thing

_ hamilburger:  _ no this has nothing to do with my bitterness even though i aM VERY BITTER

_ laffytaffy:  _ smh

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ this guy doesnt look like laf

_ laffytaffy:  _ excuse 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ he looks like me

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ eeeeeeehhhhhh no 

_ pegandcheese:  _ nah

_ hamilburger:  _ actually i kinda see it 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ noooooopppeeee

_ angelofdeath:  _ wait yeah he does 

_ laffytaffy:  _ nopedy nope nope nope that man looks hella like me 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ the dude looks like himself and he doesnt look like either of you so just give it up

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ how can you guys even be fighting over whether he looks like laf or tjeffs ??? they look nothing alike 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ,,,,actually now that you mention it and im thinking about it they kind do omg 

_ angelofdeath:  _ shit herc’s got a point they kinda do

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ this may be the most ridiculousness thing ive ever dealt with

_ laffytaffy:  _ actually we kinda do 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ stfu 

***

_ pegandcheese:  _ ok alex john youve been married for 2 weeks 

_ pegandcheese _ : when are you gonna get going on this whole baby thing 

_ elizard:  _ the three of us actually called a little while ago and made an appointment for next week 

_ angelofdeath:  _ nice asf

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ peggy when do you find out if youre having a boy or a girl 

_ laffytaffy:  _ ahem or neither

_ laffytaffy:  _ or both perhaps you know gender fluid is a thing jefferstink 

_ pegandcheese:  _ angelica your boyfriend is talkinbg to me and just ew

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ we get it laf youre nonbinary 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ^^^^^^ IF THIS AINT ME 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i mean come on how many times have i said this 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ like once ?????

_ headlesshorseman:  _ stfu jawn 

_ laffytaffy:  _ ANGELICA YOUR BOYFRIEND IS BEING MEAN TO MEEEEEEEEE

_ angelofdeath:  _ thomas you can find out the sex of the fetus at about 18-20 weeks also stop being mean

_ angelofdeath:  _ peggy you are rude and you need to stop 

_ angelofdeath:  _ laf stop being overdramatic

_ laffytaffy:  _ GASP 

_ laffytaffy:  _ i am offended mademoiselle

_ angelofdeath:  _ ^^my point 

_ elizard:  _ would it be weird if when the doctor is about to inseminate me i were to tell her to “put a baby in me”

_ johnfkennedy:  _ yes yes it would 

_ hamilburger:  _ i s2g

_ johnfkennedy:  _ dont you dare do it eliza i will fuck you up 

_ elizard:  _ you and i both know i could take you down any day laurens 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ excuse me no 

_ hamilburger:  _ sorry babe shes right tho 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ WHAT THE FUCK ALEX IM YOUR HUBBY YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY SIDE YOURE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME I CAN BEAT ELIZAS ASS EVEN IF YOU KNOW I CANT

_ hamilburger:  _ um are you gonna tell me i look like lin manuel miranda even if you dont think that i do????

_ laffytaffy:  _ :O

_ headlesshorseman:  _ dayum

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ shits goin down 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ fr

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok well you dont look anything like him soooooo

_ hamilburger:  _ then eliza could fuck you up easy as pie

**_johnfkennedy:_ whatevr  **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short! The next one will be longer, I promise, and I have a surprise in store for the next chapter! :)
> 
> (One of my dad's friends who grew up in New York knows Lin really well, like hangs out with him whenever he's in New York,,,,, ded.)
> 
> All the love xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, a longer chapter than last time!
> 
> Also there's a section of this chapter that's not written as text messages because I just couldn't resist writing that particular scene in actual dialogue ;)))
> 
> Enjoy!!! 
> 
> All the love xx

_ headlesshorseman:  _ yoooo look at these lit pics angelica thomas and i took at starbucks today 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ **_attachment: 3 images_ **

_ hamilburger:  _ ummmm do you hang out with jefferson now herc ????

_ headlesshorseman:  _ well i was supposed to be meeting angelica for some starbucks and thomas was just with her when she showed up and i rolled with it idk guys hes actually kinda ok 

_ angelofdeath:  _ starbucks today was liiiiiiiiiiittttttt

_ angelofdeath  _ renamed the conversation  _ starbitches _

_ pegandcheese:  _ ahem excuse you no

_ pegandcheese  _ renamed the conversation  _ non-stop notifications  _

_ angelofdeath:  _ well then 

_ laffytaffy:  _ hercules we all hate thomas 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ fr wyd

_ elizard:  _ still not as bad as aaron burr

_ johnfkennedy:  _ hercules this makes me v uncomfortable

_ hamilburger:  _ ok hercules listen to me just no no ok ??? just no ok ??? we all hate thomas jefferson and that is that like there is no changing that we hate thomas because its what we do ok ??? ok ??? can you just handle that pls ??? k thanks

_ headlesshorseman:  _ just hang with him hes pretyy great 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ y’all know im still in this group chat right ????

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ yep 

_ hamilburger:  _ shat up thomasshole jefferstink no1 cut bout ur feelins

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ hwow 

_ elizard:  _ HEY YO NO NOT OK BRO THATS MY THING 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ excuse ???

_ elizard:  _  adding a random h in front of words that begin with w 

_ elizard:  _ !!!!!

_ elizard:  _ MY THING

_ elizard:  _ NOT YOURS

_ elizard:  _ YOU CANNOT HAVE 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ok whatever ima just let this all slide bc i cant focus rn 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ?????? why 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ i get super hype on caffeine 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ BRO ME TOO!! 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ we’re cute lol

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ :)))))

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ :)))))))))))

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ :)))))))))))))))))

_ headlesshorseman:  _ omg thomas take deep breaths 

_ angelofdeath:  _ um im sorry are you two dating now ????

_ headlesshorseman:  _ yeppers

__ _ angelofdeath:  _ wow 

_ macaroniandcheese:  _ sry ang

_ laffytaffy:  _ i just 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i hate life

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ok but gUYS

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ i can’t fUncTioN 

_ pegandcheese:  _ do you usually have caffeine bro ???

_ hamilburger:  _ PEGGY WE DO NOT CALL THOMAS JEFFERSON BRO ITS NOT ALLOWED STFU

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ not usually no bc i’m alwasy really hype 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ so now im like hYpED

_ elizard:  _ GUYS IM GOING TO GET INSEMINATED IN 2 DAYS HOW EXCITE 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ IM V EXCIte 

_ hamilburger:  _ yeah yeah its great but um jawn when are we gonna get that dog

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oh yeah i forgot about the doge 

_ hamilburger:  _ ?????

_ hamilburger:  _ how in the world could you forget about a doge ?????

_ pegandcheese:  _ SPEAKING OF BABIES 

_ pegandcheese:  _ I HAVE BEEN PREGNANT FOR 2 MONTHS WOOO

_ headlesshorseman:  _ seven more to go eeehhhhhh

_ pegandcheese:  _ you know what shut the fuck up herculame

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ #roasted 

_ hamilburger:  _ no one likes you thomas 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ hwow 

_ elizard:  _ MY THING YOU DUMB MOTHERFUCKR

***

Eliza couldn’t say that insemination was a  _ pleasant  _ process, persay. She was happy to have done it, of course, for Alex and John but it wasn’t exactly something she would like to go through again.

“If you want another kid some day you can ask Angelica or Maria or Peggy but I’m not doing this again,” she had told them when they were walking out of the doctor’s office. “This better fucking work.”

“Was it really that painful?” John asked. 

“No it was just  _ weird, _ ” Eliza said. 

“Okay,” Alex said slowly.

It had been a week since the insemination and Eliza was already growing anxious. The doctor had told her to wait at least a week to take a pregnancy test, but had recommended she wait two weeks because the longer you wait the more reliable the test is. 

She wasn’t so sure, though. She wanted to take one as soon as possible, she wanted to  _ know _ . She praying with every ounce of her being that this would all work out for John and Alex. 

_ Why not take one now?  _ she figured,  _ I can take another one in a week if I need to. Let’s just see what the test says now. _

So, determined as ever, she made to head into a convenience store with her head held high — and it would have been wonderful and terribly dramatic had she not crashed into someone who was trying to make their way out of the store. 

“Shit,” Eliza hissed as her palms scraped against the pavement. 

“Oh my god, I am so sorry!” the man who she had walked headlong into said and reached out a hand to help her up. “I’m so so so sorry, oh god, I should’ve paid attention to where I was going.”

Eliza froze and she swore her heart skipped a beat. She knew that voice, she was sure of it. She  _ knew  _ that voice. And she was totally convinced that she’d gone crazy because  _ no way  _ was she lucky enough to just run into this guy on the street. 

But she looked at him slowly and it  _ was _ . It was  _ him.  _

“Holy shit,” Eliza breathed. 

Lin-Manuel Miranda frowned worriedly, still holding out his hand for Eliza to take. “Are you okay? I really so  _ so  _ sorry.” 

“No, I’m fine, really,” Eliza said, sliding her hand into his and getting to her feet. “I’m sorry, I’m just — I’m a big fan. I’m sorry, oh god.”

Lin laughed. “No, don’t be sorry. I’m touched. It’s also comforting to know that since you’re such a big fan, that’ll hopefully make it hard for you to be super pissed off that I knocked you over.”

Eliza laughed too. “You definitely don’t have to worry about. I’m so not pissed off.”

“Good, good,” Lin nodded, and furrowed his brows when Eliza just stared at him for a while. “Um, have I got something on my face or —”

“No, no, sorry,” Eliza shook her head. “It’s just that — I thought maybe close up I’d see it but I just don’t.”

“Uh, see what?”

“Oh, sorry,” Eliza laughed, “I’ve got this friend Alex and he’s totally convinced that he looks just like you. But he doesn’t. He’s crazy.”

“Can I see a picture? If that’s not — you know — totally creepy,” Lin said, “I want to see for myself.”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Eliza nodded. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and quickly pulled up a picture she’d taken of Alex, John, and Lafayette. “He’s that one,” she pointed Alex out to Lin.

“Holy shit!” Lin exclaimed. 

“I know, he’s so delusional,” Eliza rolled her eyes. “He looks nothing like —”

“What are you talking about?!” Lin said. “He looks  _ exactly  _ like me!”

Eliza blinked slowly. “You’re joking, right?”

“ _ No! _ ” Lin exclaimed. 

“Oh,” Eliza said. “Well — wow.” 

“You have to tell him about this,” Lin said. 

“Don’t worry, this is going right to the group chat,” Eliza laughed. 

“Big group chat?” Lin asked. 

“Eh,” Eliza shrugged. “Yeah, like nine people.”

“Nice!” Lin nodded. “Let’s take a picture for you to send into the group chat!” 

“Really?” Eliza grinned. “Awesome! Thank you!”

So right there in front of a freaking CVS, Eliza posed for a selfie with Lin-Manuel Miranda. 

“Okay, you’ve got to send that and tell your friend I said he could be my twin,” Lin said.

“If you say so,” Eliza said, “but it’s just going to boost his ego and the last thing Alexander Hamilton needs is an ego boost.”

“Alexander Hamilton,” Lin said and hummed in thought, “you could put a nice beat to that… Anyway, I kind of like his hair. Maybe I’ll grow mine out.”

“Great, you’ll boost Alex’s ego even more,” Eliza said but she couldn’t help but grin. “Thank you so much, by the way. It’s seriously so great to get to meet you and talk to you.”

“Oh my god, it’s been so nice talking to  _ you! _ ” Lin grinned and pulled her into a tight hug. “Have a great day!” he waved to her as he headed off. “And don’t forget to tell your friend what I said!”

***

_ elizard:  _ guyyysssssss guESS WHO THE FRUCK I UST MET 

_ elizard:  _ ok no ones answering me fast enough so ima just tell ya 

_ elizard:  _ **_attachment: 1 image_ **

_ pegandcheese:  _ MY BABY MY LOVE MY DARLING MY CHILD 

_ laffytaffy:  _ hello i am right here

_ pegandcheese:  _ you not my child laf

_ laffytaffy:  _ noooo but i am your baby your love your darling so 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ok tru

_ johnfkennedy:  _ hey its lint 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ dayummmmm das a good lookin dude 

_ hamilburger:  _ yo my twin

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ herc are you sure you’re straight ???

_ headlesshorseman:  _ yep 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ like 100% positive ????

_ headlesshorseman:  _ yee 

_ angelofdeath:  _ just roll with it 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex stfu you look nothing like him 

_ elizard:  _ actually i told him about your whole thing where you think you look like him or whatever so he wanted to see a picture of you 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ALEX LIN MANUEL MIRANDA HAS SEEN YOUR FACE WHAT KIND OF LUCK 

_ hamilburger:  _ eh not that exciting tbh 

_ hamilburger:  _ bc he sees my face EVERY DAY when he looks in a mirror 

_ angelofdeath:  _ ifc 

_ laffytaffy:  _ im gonna commit 

_ elizard:  _ actually he said you could be twins 

_ hamilburger:  _ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

_ johnfkennedy:  _ NO 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ THATS IMPOSSIBLE WHAT THE FUCK 

_ laffytaffy:  _ YOU ARE KOKING ELIZA TELL MEM YOURE JOKIMG

_ elizard:  _ im not joking,,, he said he and alex could be twins and he insisted i tell you all this 

_ angelofdeath:  _ how ridiculous 

_ pegandcheese:  _ what is this fresh hell

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ liz you sure been in that bethroom for a while 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ are you sobbing eternally bc you met lint 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ why do you call him lint ????

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oh i call him all sorts of things that arent his name 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ oh ????

_ johnfkennedy:  _ :)))))))))))))

_ elizard:  _ fyi im not sobbing im peeing on a stick 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ what the shit 

_ hamilburger:  _ uuhhhhhhh

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ?????????????????

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ok but why tho 

_ laffytaffy:  _ y’all are stupid ya know that ??

_ hamilburger:  _ HEY 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ RUDE 

_ laffytaffy:  _ SHES TAKING A PREGNANCY TEST IDIOTS

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHhHHHHhhh

_ johnfkennedy:  _ YAYYYYY

_ hamilburger:  _ woot woot !!!!!

_ pegandcheese:  _ aaawwww w yeeeeaaaahhhhhh

__ _ angelofdeath:  _ man everyones getting their shit together in life

_ angelofdeath:  _ thomas we need to get our shit together 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ well shit idk if ive ever had my shit together in my entire life 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ at least i got it more together than hamilton tho 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ :O

_ hamilburger:  _ ya know angelica if you really wanna get your whole life together all you gotta do is dump thomass

_ elizard:  _ guys

_ headlesshorseman:  _ booiiiiiiiii

_ johnfkennedy:  _ #ROASTED

_ johnfkennedy:  _ #GETREKT

_ elizard:  _ guys 

_ pegandcheese:  _ i fucking cant with all you people 

_ pegandcheese:  _ im pregnant i dont deserve this 

_ laffytaffy:  _ thats your excuse for everything 

_ elizards:  _ guYS 

_ pegandcheese:  _ lafayette sweetheart i am literally carrying your child inside of me you will either be nice to me,,,,

_ pegandcheese:  _ oR ELSE 

_ laffytaffy:  _ fuckin damnn

_ elizard:  _ PEOPLE LISTEN EVERYONE SHUT UP AND PAY ATTENTION TO ME FOR A HOT SECOND STOP IGNORNING ME OH MY FUCK 

_ pegandcheese:  _ sorry sis 

_ hamilbugrer:  _ :((( 

__ _ johnfkennedy:  _ shhit 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ok waddup liz

_ elizard:  _ im pregnant 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ,,,,,,

_ hamilburger:  _ ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,omf 

_ pegandcheese:  _ YAYYY

__ _ angelofdeath:  _ nice !!!!   
  


_ hamilburger:  _ i 

_ elizard:  _ alex

_ elizard:  _ john 

_ elizard:  _ you’re gonna be dads 

_ hamilbugrer:  _ oh shit 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ that poor poor child 

**_johnfkennedy:_ IMA SLAP A BITCH @THOMASSOLE **


	8. Chapter 8

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ BROS 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ BROS

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ BBBBBBRoS

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ BROOOOOOOOOooooOOooOoOssssS

__ _ macaroniandjefferson:  _ MY BROS

_ hamilburger:  _ we are not your bros

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ rt 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ r00d

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ bUT BROS 

_ pegandcheese:  _ yes ??

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ IMA BOUT TO TELL YOU A THINK THAT WILL BLLLLOOOOWWWW YOU ALL THE AWAYYYYY

_ elizard:  _ hwow 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ this better be good 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ give mee the deets my man 

_ laffytaffy:  _ NOT YOUR MAN 

_ laffytaffy:  _ STOP FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY I SWEAR TO FUVK HERCULES 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ MY EX AND ANGELICA’S EX ARE DAAAAATING

_ elizard:  _ hWHAT

_ elizard:  _ wait which ex ang 

_ elizard:  _ and wait who have you dated @thomas

_ elizard:  _ im lost 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ ^^^

_ angelofdeath:  _ james madison and aaron burr are dating 

_ pegandcheese:  _ THE FUCKIN SHIT WHAT YOU SAY NOW WHAAT 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ ^^ MY REACTION

__ _ hamilburger:  _ aaron burr,,, the worst thing to ever happen to me ever aside from jefferson,,,, is dating,,,, james madison 

_ hamilburger:  _ ?????

_ hamilburger:  _ how

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ iddkkkkkk

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ wait hamilton didnt your village literally get swept away in a hurricane when you were a teenager ???

_ hamilburger:  _ yes,,, and ???

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ you said im the worst thing to ever happen to you 

_ hamilburger:  _ your point ??

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ im worse than a category 5 hurricane?

_ hamilburger:  _ yes 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ SLAY 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ roasted

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ i fucking hate you 

_ laffytaffy:  _ i think we should interrogate burr and madison on the matter

_ angelofdeath:  _ LAFFAYET DO NOT

_ laffytaffy  _ has added  _ jaymadz  _ and  _ aaronbutt  _ to the conversation 

_ angelofdeath:  _ LAFFAYETE WHY THE FUCK 

_ jaymadz:  _ what 

_ jaymadz:  _ the hell 

_ laffytaffy:  _ hello fellas 

_ aaronbutt:  _ i’m not okay with this 

_ hamilburger:  _ i cant stop laughing omf

_ hamilburger:  _ why is your usernamme aaronbutt ???!??!?!?!?

_ aaronbutt:  _ okay listen the R is right next to the T and i forgot to check for typos before i pressed confirm okay? 

_ aaronbutt:  _ WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES SOMETIMES 

_ hamilburger:  _ yeah but butt lmaooooooo

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ^^^^

_ aaronbutt:  _ are you twelve, hamilton????

_ hamilburger:  _ yep on a scale of 1-10 oooohhhhhhh

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ BOI THAT WAS NICE ASF

_ hamilburger:  _ THANK YOU I AM THE ROAST MASTER 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ well no thats still me 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ you can be my apprentice tho 

_ hamilburger:  _ sweet 

_ jaymadz:  _ why am i being forced to do thsi 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ we have some questionsssss for you two 

_ jaymadz:  _ well shit 

_ pegandcheese:  _ howd ya end up dating

_ aaronbutt:  _ i hate you all

_ jaymadz:  _ you dont hate meeeeeeee

_ aaronbutt:  _ well true 

_ angelofdeath:  _ aw you guys are kinda cute together

_ jaymadz:  _ aw really??

_ angelofdeath:  _ no get out of thi group chat 

_ angelofdeath:  _ this group chat is a safe environment 

_ aaronbutt:  _ i am more than happy to go trust me 

_ angelofdeath:  _ good

_ angelofdeath:  _ do it 

_ aaronbutt:  _ ok how 

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ no one tell him !!   
  


_ angelofdeath:  _ wHY

_ angelofdeath:  _ WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS 

_ pegandcheese:  _ we’re trapping him here its gonna be a good time 

_ aaronbutt:  _ fuck you 

_ laffytaffy:  _ DO NOT BE MEAN TO MY GIRLFRIEND AARON BURR I WILL FCK YOU UP

_ aaronbutt:  _ i need to get out of this group chat 

_ jaymadz:  _ idk this could be fun 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ this group chat is all the fun tbh 

_ elizard:  _ i want aaron butthole out 

_ angelofdeath:  _ i second that 

_ pegandcheese:  _ this is gonna be so much fun 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i get why angelica is all pissed at burr like awkward ex stuff and whatever but what’s eliza’s issue ???

_ angelofdeath:  _ shes just a super supportive sister 

_ angelofdeath:  _ unlike some people @peggy 

_ pegandcheese:  _ :))))))))) love

_ elizard:  _ i hate him because hes a CHEATER 

_ aaronbutt:  _ now wait just one second

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ehm WHAT NOW 

_ hamilburger:  _ WHAT THE FUCK FUCKING BURR

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ AARON BURR I WILL FUCK YOU UP AND THAT IS A PROMISE 

_ headleshorseman:  _ DUDE TAHTS SO NOT OK 

_ aaronbutt:  _ CAN YOU ALL JUST GIVE ME A SECOND TO EXPLAIN OR ???

_ laffytaffy:  _ YOU DO NOT CHEAT ON ANGELICA SCHUYLER 

_ laffytaffy:  _ YOU DONT CHEAT ON ANYONE BUT ESPECIALLY NOT ANGELICA SCHUYLER BECAUSE IF YOU DO YOU DIEEE

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ HWHAT

_ elizard:  _ ok i may be pissed at burr but ^^^ that’s still my thing jefferson

_ headlesshorseman:  _ why’d we not hear about burr’s infidelity before now tho

_ laffytaffy:  _ good point herc

_ laffytaffy:  _ also how is burr alive because like i said cheating on ang is fatal

_ angelofdeath:  _ well

_ angelofdeath:  _ ok

_ angelofdeath:  _ he didnt technically cheat 

_ aaronbutt:  _ thank you 

_ elizard:  _ nope he did

_ aaronbutt:  _ i swear to god 

_ pegandcheese:  _ liz i love ang as much as you do but you gotta let this go at some point 

_ elizard:  _ nEvER !!!!!!

_ jaymadz:  _ this group chat is fucking hilarious 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ it gets annoying very quickly 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ ok is someone going to tell us the truth about whether or not burr cheated cuz im hanging onto the edge of my seat here like !!!!???!!!?

_ angelofdeath:  _ he fell in love 

_ angelofdeath:  _ while he was dating me 

_ angelofdeath:  _ with someone OTHER than me 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ well at least he was honest??? and i mean i guess hes cute with james i guess???

_ jaymadz:  _ well see no he didnt leave her for me

_ hamilburger:  _ so lemme get this straight 

_ hamilburger:  _ you fall in love with someone 

_ hamilburger:  _ you break up with THE angelica schuyler for that someone

_ hamilburger:  _ and now you’re just 

_ hamilburger:  _ not dating that someone anymore ???????

_ aaronbutt:  _ it didn’t work out okay??

_ johnfkennedy:  _ shit man

_ headlesshorseman:  _ well at least now we knwo why every time we tell angelica to break up with thomas eliza tells us he’s not as bad as burr 

_ aaronbutt:  _ um thank you ???

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ wow thanks guys im glad weve made such progress

_ headlesshorseman:  _ bro i dont tell her she should break up with you anymore 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ not after starbucks bro 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ :’) bro 

_ pegandcheese:  _ i am disgusted 

***

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex is in distress

_ aaronbutt:  _ so am i 

_ aaronbutt:  _ because of this damn group chat 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ why is alex in distress

_ aaronbutt:  _ if you’re going to force me to be in this group chat the least you could do is pretend to care about my distress

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex tell them why you’re in distress 

_ hamilburger:  _ why is there a d in fridge but not in refrigerator ???

_ laffytaffy:  _ !!!!!

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ im gonna commit 

_ pegandcheese:  _ im yodelingggg

_ headlesshorseman:  _ kys 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ im so done with your shit alexander

_ aaronbutt:  _ im so done with this group chat’s shit ok 

_ jaymadz:  _ this group chat is actually pretyy lit 

_ aaronbutt:  _ JAMES MADISON DO NOT ENCOURAGE THIS

_ jaymadz:  _ what’re you gonna do, break up with me ??? lol 

_ aaronbutt:  _ ,,,,,,,perhaps 

_ jaymadz:  _ lol no you wont

_ aaronbutt:  _ ,,,,,,yeah you right 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ guys i need a better username 

_ hamilburger:  _ for real 

_ hamilburger:  _ and a better face

_ hamilburger:  _ and a better personality 

_ macaroniandjefferson:  _ fuck you man 

_ macaroniandjefferson  _ has changed their username to  _ tjeffs _

_ aaronbutt:  _ WHAT THE FUCK YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR scREEN NAME I DID NOT KNOW THIS 

_ aaronbutt:  _ how do you do it 

_ elizard:  _ no one tell him 

_ elizard:  _ no one fucking tell him 

_ elizard:  _ i had to suffer through WEEKS of fucking eliza_is_satan666 so you don’t you dare tell aaron fucking burr how to do it 

_ tjeffs:  _ your welcome btw 

_ aaronbutt  _ changed their username to  _ aaronburr _

_ aaronburr:  _ i figured it out 

_ elizard:  _ hwhAT THE FACK

_ elizard:  _ ok but you can figure out how to change your username but you cant figure out how to leave the group chat tf ????

_ elizard:  _ fuckin dumbass

_ aaronburr:  _ you know what? shut the hell up. 

_ elizard:  _ hwow 

_ jaymadz:  _ every time tehres a convo in this group chat i feel like i should be getting some popcorn to just sit back and watch the shit go down 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok wait a sec 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ james is thomas’s ex right ???

_ tjeffs:  _ ye 

_ jaymadz:  _ sure am 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ why don’t we shun/hate him and be like awkward woith him like with burr ??

_ tjeffs:  _ bc hes my best friend duh

_ johnfkennedy:  _ you’re best friend with your ex???

_ jaymadz:  _ yep

_ tjeffs:  _ indeed

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok,,,, sounds fake,,,, but ok 

_ jaymadz:  _ aw c’mon john arent you still friends with one of your exes???

_ hamilburger:  _ HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

_ hamilburger:  _ JOHN FRIENDS WITH HIS EX 

__ _ hamilburger:  _ THAT IS HILARIOUS THABK YOU JAMES FOR THIS LAUGHTER TOU HAVE GIVEN ME 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ lol i only have one ex 

_ tjeffs:  _ aaaaaannnddd what happened ???

_ hamilburger:  _ LAUGJETR 

_ angelofdeath:  _ i 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ see its actually not that funny of a story but the idea of being friends with her is just wow 

_ aaronburr:  _ um 

_ jaymadz:  _ ?????????????

_ tjeffs:  _ ,,,,,hER?!!?

_ pegandcheese:  _ lol didnt ya know john once that he was The Straight ™

_ tjeffs:  _ tf you are like The Gayest ™ 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ well yeah i know that now but my dad is a church going god loving gay hating psychopath sooooooo

_ jaymadz:  _ ok so what happened with with your girlfrand

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok so basically when i was 16 i realized “wOW I AM SO FUCKING GAY WHAT THE FUCK” and the very first person i told was,,,, lafayette,, and then hercules,,,,, BUT THEN I FINALLY CONFESSED TO MY GIRLFRIEND MARTHA THAT I COULD NOT CONTINUE OUR RELATIONSHIP AND THAT I WAS VERY SORRY TO HAVE HURT HER AND TO HAVE WASTED HER TIME !!!! and so she was all “but why” and i was all “beeeeecccaaaaaaaauuuuussssssseeeeeeeee im hella gay” and she was like “OH MY GOSH HOMOSEXUALITY IS A SIN JOHN LAURENS YOU ARE GOING TO HELL GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DISGUSTING @#%^!&” and then she told my father that i was gay and made me life a living hell :))))))))

_ tjeffs:  _ ,,,,,,,,,

_ tjeffs:  _ damn 

_ aaronburr:  _ i don’t know what to say

_ jaymadz:  _ bro i am so sorry for you

_ johnfkennedy:  _ so yeeeeeahhhhh im not so much “friends” with her if ya know what i mean

_ laffytaffy:  _ im sorry john but im laughing 

_ laffytaffy:  _ i know its a sad story and your last two years of high school were v awful but tHE WAY YOU TELL THE STORY 

_ elizard:  _ “beeeeecccaaaaaaaauuuuussssssseeeeeeeee im hella gay”

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ “wOW I AM SO FUCKING GAY WHAT THE FUCK” me me why is this meeeeeeeeeee

_ headlesshorseman:  _ fr john you funny 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ “Local Man Amuses People With Stories of His Shitty Childhood”

_ angelofdeath:  _ “What Happens Next Will Shock You”

_ hamilburger:  _ I 

_ hamilburger:  _ AM

__ _ hamilburger:  _ DECEASED

_ pegandcheese:  _ I CANT STOP LAUGHIMG 

_ aaronburr:  _ ok but can i leave now 

_ pegandcheese:  _ no 

_ jaymadz:  _ a-ron stahp bein r00d

_ jaymadz:  _ we are crying/laughing over john’s fucked up teenage years 

_ laffytaffy:  _ “A-RON” IM DYIN 

_ aaronburr:  _ i hate 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ ^^ me @my life

***

_ elizard:  _ john alex just a heads up keep your calendars free on december 10

_ hamilburger:  _ uuuhhhh whhyyyy

_ hamilburger:  _ please tell me its not something important

_ pegandcheese:  _ IT IS IMPORTANT IT IS THE DAY I WILL BE EXACTLY 3 MONTHS PREGNANT WOOT WOOT 

_ elizard:  _ shut up pegs pls and tahnks 

_ elizard:  _ i have an appt. to get an ultrasound and sonogram

_ hamilburger:  _ fuck 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex we’re free that day its all goood

_ hamilburger:  _ eeeeehhhh no we not 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ???

_ hamilburger:  _ i wanted to surprise you ugh 

_ hamilburger:  _ i found us a doge 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ :O

_ hamilburger:  _ but we gotta fly out to california to pick him up 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ :O

_ hamilburger:  _ from december 9 - 11 

_ elizard:  _ awwww a pupper 

_ elizard:  _ i’ll snapchat you guys from the appointment its all good 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ niccccceeeee we gettin a dog and a baby our lives are gr9

_ aaronburr:  _ you’re pregnant?? @eliza

_ elizard:  _ shut the fuck up i dont talk to you burr you bald piece of shit you’re disgusting and you dont deserve food or hair or love 

_ tjeffs:  _ wow 

_jaymadz:_ @liz you’re pregnant?

_ elizard:  _ yes

_ aaronburr:  _ fml -_-

_ hamilburger:  _ with my baby 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ and mine 

_ jaymadz:  _ ?????????????

_ elizard:  _ im their surrogate 

_ jaymadz:  _ OOHHH ok 

_ elizard:  _ well maria you gotta come to the appointment with me then 

**_maria.the.meme.lord:_ lit  **


	9. Chapter 9

__ _ elizard:  _ how’s your doggo @alex&john

_ johnfkennedy:  _ he iS PERFECT

_ hamilburger:  _ truuuuuuuu af 

_ angelofdeath:  _ what are you gonna name him ???

_ hamilburger:  _ dunno we were thinking of like combining our names but the best we can come up with is jalex and eh 

_ pegandcheese:  _ name him lams 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ why would we do that??

_ angelofdeath:  _ bc its your ship name duh ???

_ hamilburger:  _ how was this decided exactly tho??

_ elizard:  _ we all decided

_ johnfkennedy:  _ aaannndd when did this happen ?

_ laffytaffy:  _ when you started dating 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ for real guys jeez

_ pegandcheese:  _ where the fuck have you been

_ tjeffs:  _ i was not a part of this excuse

_ jaymadz:  _ SAME

_ aaronburr:  _ me neither but i honestly couldnt care any less

_ jaymadz:  _ ur a bitch why do i date you 

_ aaronburr:  _ idk you love me ????

_ jaymadz:  _ yeah i guess 

_ aaronburr:  _ yay i love you too i suppose

_ angelofdeath:  _ ,,,,,,ifc

_ pegandcheese:  _ #wow

_ pegandcheese:  _ #beyondtouched

_ laffytaffy:  _ ^^

_ hamilburger:  _ oK MOVING SWIFTLY ON 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ eliza are we having a boy or a girl 

_ hamilburger:  _ I WANT A SON 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ we will be happy with whatever child (daughter) nature gives us 

_ hamilburger:  _ go away jawn 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ fine but im bringing the doge with me 

_ hamilburger:  _ NEVER MIND COME BACK HERE WITH LAMS 

_ elizard:  _ YAY YOURE NAMING THE PUP LAMS ??!!!??!

_ hamilburger:  _ ye 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ niccceeeee it took us hours upon hours to come up with that ship name 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ fr 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ that group chat was the one that made me hate group chats 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ you like this group chat thoooo?????

_ headlesshorseman:  _ yeah this one restored my faith in group chats,,,

_ tjeffs:  _ oh wow 

_ elizard:  _ alex,,,,john,,,, y’all know that we won’t know if it’s a boy or girl til im like almost 5 months pregnant right ????

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oh shit 

_ hamilburger:  _ i want a boy tho just so ya know 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ he only want a boy cuz he has this freakin name picked out and hes got no ideas for girls

_ laffytaffy:  _ whats the name 

_ hamilburger:  _ sebastian :)

_ hamilburger:  _ how cute is that??

_ pegandcheese:  _ yeeaahhhh its great 

_ pegandcheese:  _ its also what lin-manuel miranda named his son 

_ hamilburger:  _ LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA AND I ARE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON I S2G 

_ tjeffs:  _ jesus christ 

_ pegandcheese:  _ speaking of baby names,,, laf we need to get on that 

_ laffytaffy:  _ eeehhhh okkk,,,

_ laffytaffy:  _ simple if its a boy we name him after your father

_ angelofdeath:  _ you cant, liz called philip for her firstborn son years ago

_ elizard:  _ ^^truth 

_ jaymadz:  _ girls are weird

_ aaronburr:  _ for real

_ aaronburr:  _ when we have kids let’s adopt and let’s not have girls

_ jaymadz:  _ awwwww you wanna have kids with me???

_ aaronburr:  _ ,,,,

_ aaronburr:  _ moving swiftly on

_ laffytaffy:  _ ok so if its a boy we name him after my father

_ pegandcheese:  _ gilbert 

_ laffytaffy:  _ did you just first name me 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ok first of all gilbert is your SIXTH name 

_ pegandcheese:  _ second of all,,, yes i did bc you had better not be suggesting that we give our child your father’s FULL NAME 

_ laffytaffy:  _ well why not 

_ pegandcheese:  _ wHY NOT!?

_ pegandcheese:  _ lafayette tell our dear friends your father’s full name please

_ laffytaffy:  _ michel louis christophe roch gilbert paulette du motier, marquis de lafayette

_ jaymadz:  _ jesus fucking christ 

_ tjeffs:  _ my god !!!!!

_ headlesshorseman:  _ laf fr your fam needs to calm their shit 

_ laffytaffy:  _ what about just louis ???

_ pegandcheese:  _ ok that works 

_ pegandcheese:  _ but what if its a girl??

_ laffytaffy:  _ your mother?????

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ didnt ang call catherine for her first daughter a while back 

_ angelofdeath:  _ yep yep yep sure did 

_ laffytaffy:  _ oh come on 

_ laffytaffy:  _ ,,,,,my mother?????

_ pegandcheese:  _ ifc

_ laffytaffy:  _ just one of her names!!!!!

_ laffytaffy:  _ marie????

_ pegandcheese:  _ eh 

_ laffytaffy:  _ jolie? 

_ pegandcheese:  _ O M G 

_ pegandcheese:  _ THATS SO CUTE WE ARE SOOOOOOO GOING WITH THAT 

_ elizard:  _ ok but guys !!! @alex&john

_ hamilburger:  _ yessssss????

_ elizard:  _ there is some news from the sonogram even though we dont know if its a boy or a girl

_ johnfkennedy:  _ lit give me dah news 

_ elizard:  _ ok are you sitting down 

__ _ johnfkennedy:  _ ofc im snuggling a pup 

_ elizard:  _ alex are you sitting down 

_ hamilburger:  _ no i ran out to get coffee just tell me 

_ elizard:  _ you have to sit 

_ hamilburger:  _ i am literally in a long line in starbucks i am not stepping out of line to sit at a table and i am not sitting on the floor 

_ elizard:  _ if you arent sitting then you’ll just have to wait 

_ hamilburger:  _ ok fine by me 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ NO

_ johnfkennedy:  _ NOT FINE NOT BY ME

__ _ johnfkennedy:  _ THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING MEEEEE

__ _ johnfkennedy:  _ ALEX JUST SIT DOWN 

__ _ johnfkennedy:  _ DO IT FOR MEEEEEE PLEASEEE

__ _ johnfkennedy:  _ I AM YOUR HUSBAND DO THIS FOR ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I WANNA KNOW SO BADLY 

__ _ johnfkennedy:  _ ALEXXXXXX

_ hamilburger:  _ no 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ we can take a shower together when you get back if you doooo

_ johnfkennedy:  _ and you knoooowwww what that means 

_ hamilburger:  _ ,,,,shit 

_ aaronburr:  _ gross

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ i am disgusted 

_ pegandcheese:  _ #stopthesin2k16

_ laffytaffy:  _ ew 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ tf 

_ hamilburger:  _ ok i am sitting on the floor in the middle of a line in startbucks tell me now so i can get back up or i s2g 

_ hamilburger:  _ people are staring 

_ hamilburger:  _ shit shit shit 

_ elizard:  _ twins 

_ hamilburger:  _ I CAN STAND 

_ hamilburger:  _ wait waht 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ the shit 

_ elizard:  _ youre having twins

_ tjeffs:  _ whaaaaaaaaat 

_ tjeffs:  _ so instead of screwing up one kid hamilton and laurens are gonna screw up 2 ???? goddamn 

_ hamilburger:  _ this is a joke right ???

_ hamilburger:  _ we’re being punk’d right ???

_ elizard:  _ no youre having twins 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ALEX THIS IS SO GREAT 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ WE GET TWWWWOOOOO OF THEM 

_ hamilburger:  _ we’re not ready for 2!!!

_ hamilburger:  _ i’m still not totally convinced we’re ready for 1 oh shit 

_ hamilburger:  _ are we even ready to raise this doge???

_ hamilburger:  _ eliza do you want a baby?? you have to give birth and all you could keep one 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ aLEX STOP IT

_ johnfkennedy:  _ this are OUR children and we’re keeping BOTH of them 

_ jaymadz:  _ y’all are strange 

_ jaymadz:  _ i like it 

_ pegandcheese:  _ #strangerthings ;)

_ aaronburr:  _ oh jesus christ 

***

_ johnfkennedy:  _ heyyyyy guysssssss

_ elizard:  _ hi 

_ pegandcheese:  _ yo yo yo

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ sup 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ soooooooooooooo

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ya know how me and alex are supposed to fly back to new york with the doggo todayyy???

_ laffytaffy:  _ ,,,,yes

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ,,,,,we not gonna be able to do that so much 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ oh my god waht happened

_ johnfkennedy:  _ well

_ johnfkennedy:  _ we were having sex 

_ jaymadz:  _ ima stop you right there

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ DUDE 

_ aaronburr:  _ oh my god no i do not need this 

_ tjeffs:  _ BOI 

_ elizard:  _ bro bro bro you didnt need to put that picture in mah head bro ‘

_ pegandcheese:  _ YOU NEED J E S U S 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ it gets worse

_ tjeffs:  _ what did i ever do to deserve this abuse???

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex wants me to say ^^^^you’re a fucking asshole that’s what

_ tjeffs:  _ ok aaaaand why cant hamilton tell me this himself???

_ johnfkennedy:  _ because hes being examined

_ johnfkennedy:  _ by a nurse practitioner,,,,,

_ laffytaffy:  _ i 

_ jaymadz:  _ aaron we need to start having the kind of sex that alex and john are having 

_ angelofdeath:  _ didnt need that picture in my head thanks a lot james

_ elizard:  _ john i know im going to regret asking you this but wat the fuck did you do to alexander??

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ,,,,,,,,,,heh 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i broke his penis 

_ pegandcheese:  _ im gONNA COMMIT

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ It’s Time To Stop ™ 

_ angelofdeath:  _ OH MY GOOOOODDD

_ laffytaffy:  _ smh 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ -___-

_ aaronburr:  _ i cannot 

_ jaymadz:  _ i dont know what to say

_ tjeffs:  _ I AM LAUGHING SO FUCKING HARD I FUCKING CANT THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME EVER OH MY GOD YESS THANK YOU JESUS  FOR THIS WONFERFUL GIFT 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex says fuck you 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ the nurse practitioner said something about penile amputation and i swear to you alex almost fainted 

_ tjeffs:  _ I

_ tjeffs:  _ AM 

_ tjeffs:  _ L I V I N G 

_ angelofdeath:  _ thomas calm 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ deceased 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ update;; its just a fracture

_ johnfkennedy:  _ no amputations

_ johnfkennedy:  _ also no sex for a 4 weeks :(((

_ pegandcheese:  _ good we can finally #stopthesin2k16

_ johnfkennedy:  _ peggy you’re mean and i hate you 

_ laffytaffy:  _ ahem jawn that wass r00d apologize

_ johnfkennedy:  _ no 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ :o

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i do what i want 

_ maria.the.meme.lord:  _ :O

_ laffytaffy:  _ i will fIGHT YOU 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ you wANNA GO?!!?

_ johnfkennedy:  _ LETS GO 

__ _ pegandcheese:  _ i s2g 

_ laffytaffy:  _ QUIET MY LOVE 

_ laffytaffy: _ I AM GOING TO FIGHT FOR YOUR HONOR 

_ pegandcheese:  _ jesus fucking christ i will break up with you 

_ laffytaffy:  _ ,,,,,,

_ laffytaffy:  _ laurens,, the duel is off

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex is gettin discharged we might be able to make our flight 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ WHOA

_ elizard:  _ ???whoa waht 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ we just got back to teh car and i forgot how cute lams is 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ lol i forgot you named your dog lams and i thought you were talking about you and alex and i was like wowee modest much ????

_ hamilburger:  _ hello all i am returned

_ elizard:  _ how’s your penis 

_ hamilburger:  _ shmeh 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ i mean at least it was real good sex right ????

_ aaronburr:  _ i dont deserve this

_ aaronburr:  _ i’m a good person

_ elizard:  _ *donald trump voice* wrong 

_ aaronburr:  _ smh 

_ hamilburger:  _ im sure it was good for you john but it wasnt from me because you see someone brOKE MY DICK 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ,,,,,,,,

_ johnfkennedy:  _ actually i FRACTURED your dick 

_ hamilburger:  _ shut up and drive laurens 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ok 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ see you all soon 

_ angelofdeath:  _ have a good flight 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ be careful of your penis 

**_hamilburger:_ FUCK OFF MULLIGAN **


	10. Chapter 10

__ _ maria.the.meme.lord  _ has changed their name to  _ mariarey _

__ _ laffytaffy:  _ why ???

_ mariarey:  _ just feelin it bro 

_ laffytaffy:  _ ok whatever

_ hamilburger:  _ guys are our elbows arm-knees or are our knees leg-elbows

_ pegandcheese:  _ cheesus crust 

_ johnfkennedy: _ **_attachment: 1 image_ **

**** _ johnfkennedy:  _ LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL DOGE 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ awwwwawwww doggo!!!

_ hamilburger:  _ our doge is gr9 tbh 

_ laffytaffy:  _ im cryn whadda cute pup

_ mariarey:  _ what a qt 

_ pegandcheese:  _ AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW HOLY SHUTR 

_ aaronburr:  _ have i mentioned i hate this group chat

_ hamilburger:  _ yeahhh but look at the doggy doge

_ aaronburr:  _ mhm 

_ jaymadz:  _ awww w come one aaron look at the dog how cute 

_ tjeffs:  _ can y’all shut the fuck up i got a headache

_ angelofdeath:  _ just put your phone on do not disturb ????

_ tjeffs:  _ ugh 

_ tjeffs:  _ too much work 

_ angelofdeath:  _ yet less work than typing this message 

_ mariarey:  _ hmmm the flaw in the plan 

_ elizard:  _ WHY IS IN THE HEIGHTS SO FUCKING GOOD LIKE I HAVE THE WHOLE SOUNDTRACK SHOVED SO FAR UP MY ASS IFC

_ pegandcheese:  _ ^^why is this me tho 

_ mariarey:  _ @liza why am i dating you 

_ elizard:  _ bc im fuckin gr8

_ elizard:  _ BUT ANYWYA

_ elizard:  _ SING WHILE I WIPE DOWN THE AWNING HEY Y’ALL GOOD MORNING 

_ elizard:  _ THE WAYYYYY LIN SINGS HEY Y’ALL GOOD MORNING 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ oh wow ??

_ elizard:  _ THEN WE GO RIGHT INTO BREATHE WHICH JUST LIFE ITS GIVES ME LIFE OK ?????

_ headlesshorseman:  _ i have to agree that breathing also gives me life bc oxygen and all 

_ elizard:  _ hey guys its meeeeeeee

_ elizard:  _ the biggest disappointment you knooooowwwww

_ elizard:  _ im cryin nina is such a bean i luv 

_ angelofdeath _ : i agree liz you are the biggest disappointment we know

_ pegandcheese:  _ okkkk but 

_ pegandcheese:  _ and maybe its meeeeeeeee but it all seems like lifetimes agooooooo

_ elizard:  _ YES YES YES 

_ pegandcheese:  _ and the way she breathes into the “just breathe” and i just dIE 

_ hamilburger:  _ wow i juts realized i hate you both 

_ mariarey:  _ i just realized im breaking up with eliza 

_ elizard:  _ WHEN I WAS A CHILD I STAYED WIDE AWAKE 

_ aaronburr:  _ jesus christ

_ pegandcheese:  _ CLIMBED TO THE HIGHEST PLACE

_ headlesshorseman:  _ how do we make it stop 

_ headlesshorseman:  _ wheres the off switch 

_ elizard:  _ ON EVERY FIRE ESCPAE

_ angelofdeath:  _ i hate 

_ pegandcheese:  _ RESTLESS TO CLIMB 

_ aaronburr:  _ im restless to climb and jump and kill myself bc of this group chat 

_ elizard:  _ I GOT EVERY SCHOLARSHIP 

_ jaymadz:  _ wow

_ pegandcheese:  _ SAVED EVERY DOLALR

_ jaymadz:  _ wow 

_ elizard:  _ WAS THE FIRST TO GO TO COLLEGE 

_ jaymadz:  _ wow 

_ pegandcheese:  _ HOW DO I TELL THEM WHYYYYYYY

_ mariarey:  _ why god why 

_ elizard:  _ IM COMING BACK HOOOOOOOOOOOOMMEEE

_ hamilburger:  _ if you were at college and you told us you were coming back home i’d be v upset bc i hATE YOU AND I WANT YOU TO MOVE FAR AWAY FROM ME AND STAY THERE 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ alex honey you tried real hard but that wasnt funny love

_ pegandcheese:  _ WITH MY EYES ON THE HORIZON 

_ laffytaffy:  _ peggy i will break up with you 

_ mariarey:  _ i already broke up with liz dont break up 2 realtionships over lin manuel miranda

_ elizard:  _ JUst me and the gwb asking gee nina,,,, what’ll you be 

_ pegandcheese:  _ straighten the spine,,,smile for the neighbors,,, everythings fine,,, everythings cool 

_ angelofdeath:  _ everything is NOT fine excuse

_ tjeffs:  _ ^^^^

_ elizard:  _ standard reply, lots of tests lots of paper

_ pegandcheese:  _ smile wave goodbye and pray to the sky oH GOD 

_ hamilburger:  _ OH GOD 

_ elizard:  _ WHAT WILL MY PARENTS SAU

_ angelofdeath:  _ well let me tell you they wouldnt be proud of this thats for damn sure 

_ pegandcheese:  _ CAN I GO IN THERE AND SAAAAYYYYY

_ headlesshorseman:  _ no you cannot 

_ elizard:  _ I KNOW THAT IM LETTING YOU DDOOOOOOOWWNN

_ mariarey:  _ ya damn right you are 

_ pegandcheese:  _ ninaaaaaaa

_ elizard:  _ just breathe 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ,,,,oh are you done now ????????

_ pegandcheese:  _ ,,,,,,,,,,,,

_ pegandcheese:  _ TELL ME SOMETHING I DONT KNOW 

_ elizard:  _ NO ME DIGA 

_ laffytaffy:  _ STAHP 

_ tjeffs:  _ PLEASE STOP 

_ jaymadz:  _ WHAT THE FUCK IS THS PLAY 

_ elizard:  _ ,,,,,,,96,000

_ pegandcheese:  _ dayummmmm

_ hamilburger:  _ WAIT I KNOW THIS ONE 

_ hamilburger:  _ THIS IS THE ONLY IN THE HEIGHTS SONG I KNOW I HAVE IT ON SPOTIFY 

_ hamilburger:  _ 96,000…

_ johnfkennedy:  _ NO ALEX NOT YOU TOOOOOOOOOO

_ elizard:  _ dollers???? hollaaaaaa

_ hamilburger:  _ 96,000…………

_ johnfkennedy:  _ NOOOOOOOOOO ALEX

_ headlesshorseman:  _ let him go john,,, hes gone

_ pegandcheese:  _ YO SOMEBODY WON 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ COME BACK TO THE LIGHT

_ laffytaffy:  _ alexander has gone to the dark side 

_ angelofdeath:  _ theres nothing we can do for him now

_ hamilburger:  _ 96,000………….

_ headlesshorseman:  _ hes not alex anymore

_ johnfkennedy:  _ COME BACK TO ME MY LOVE 

_ aaronburr:  _ im so fucking done 

_ jaymadz:  _ im so fucking confused honestly 

_ mariarey:  _ arent we all ?????

_ elizard:  _ YO ,,,,,,if I won the lotto tomorrow well I know i wouldn't bother going on no spending spree !!!! i'd pick a business school and pay the entrance fee,,  then maybe, if you're lucky, you'll stay friends with me !!i'll be a business man,,richer than Nina's daddy, Donald Trump (spotted ew) and I on the links, and he's my caddy (WOOOOO) my money's making money, I'm going from po' to moto, keep the bling, I want the brass ring like frodo!!!!!

_ johnfkennedy:  _ holy fucking shiattt what just happened here

_ laffytaffy:  _ idk,,,,,,

_ mariarey:  _ MY GIRLFRIEND IS GETTIN DOWN THATAS WHHAT 

_ angelofdeath:  _ ,,,maria

_ tjeffs:  _ dont you fucking dare

_ mariarey:  _ IM INTO IT GUYSSS

_ pegandcheese:  _ oH no, here goes mr. Braggadocio !!next thing you know, he's lying like pINNOCHIO

_ elizard:  _ yO IF YA SCARED O THE BULL STAY OUT THE RODEO

_ hamilburger:  _ YO I GOT MORE HOES THAN A PHONEBOOK IN TOKYO !!!!!!!!!

_ johnfkennedy:  _ ahem 

_ johnfkennedy:  _ excuse me alexander???????

_ johnfkennedy:  _ you wHAT 

_ elizard:  _ ooooOOOooOoOOohhHHh you'd better stop rappin' you're not ready,, it's gonna get hot and heavy and you're already sweaty !!

_ pegandcheese:  _ y-y-yo-yo

_ hamilburger:  _ YO,, I'm sorry, was that an answer? shut up, go home and pull ya damn pants up!!!!!as for you, mr. Frodo of the shire,,, 96 gs ain't enough to retire !!!!!

_ pegandcheese:  _ i'll have enough to knock your ass off its axis !

_ elizard:  _ YOU’LL HAVE A KNAPSACK FULL OF JACK AFTER TAXES !!!!!!!

_ tjeffs:  _ what is this trash 

_ aaronburr:  _ im so done ifc

_ laffytaffy:  _ oh are you done now ???

_ laffytaffy:  _ FINALLY ????

_ pegandcheese:  _ i guess so im kinda bored now

_ elizard:  _ HOW CAN YOU EVER EVER EVER EVER BE TIRED OF LIN MANUEL MIRANDA MY BABY MY LOVE MY CHILD MY BOI 

**_mariarey:_ yepp yep im packing up my things we breakingup im out im moving out in -6 minutes  **


End file.
